Clone Me, Quick

Well. The time has come. I'm here in Queen Creek all settled in to my room upstairs (By specifying that I am upstairs, you should gather that it is about ten degrees hotter than downstairs.) and have just completed my first full day back after the summer. (Eleven and three quarters of an hour, thank you very much, I am super nanny.) It was full of ups (on the chairs and counters) and downs (of the melt variety). The boys got so big over the summer! Especially the baby. I'm going to get really buff carrying that one and a half year old around:) I'm still getting used to being here in Arizona again. I just can't seem to leave this place, as hard as I try. I feel like I'm never quite clean.. Always sweaty and stinky. Even if I'm not. And I can barely sleep at night because it's so hot up here in my room. But I sure am so grateful for Sarah and Jason and all the things they're doing for me to make me feel at home, and to make it worth it for me to be here. They started campaigning for me to stay longer than just til December the second I walked in the door, but I'm still not convinced it's the best thing for me to do. I mean, I love my work. I love these boys. And Sarah and Jason are more than just my employers, they're my friends. They've made it very clear that they'll do whatever it takes to keep me here (Even to the point of encouraging me to bring dates and friends over in the hopes that I'll fall in love with someone here and stay for them..) and part of me wants to just make it easier on them and do it. I know it's hard for kids to get to know a nanny or caretaker and then have to start over with someone else. But the reality of it is, I can't just keep my life in limbo forever. I can't keep going back and forth and never really settle in anywhere. The argument on this one is that Jason only has one year of school left, and then he'll be interning and working full time, so they won't be sending me home for the summer anymore. But still. I prayed about this. I thought about it and prayed about it. And as much as I love this job, as incredible as the pay is and the perks are, it's just not home. I'm not home here. I miss Lehi. And I miss the opportunities I'm sure I have there. I want to go to art school. I want to date, and find someone to share my life with. I want to find a steady job that's just as good as this one that won't stress me out to the point of tears and debt during summer vacation. I want to be near my family. I want to move beyond just working and actually do something with my life.. And I feel like being in Arizona will keep me from doing that because I'm so resistant to putting down roots here any more than I already have. *Sigh*

I feel like this is the exact same post I already wrote the last time I broached this subject. I'm so torn. I know what I need to do, but it's so much easier said than done. I have love and loyalty and respect for the Linmans, but I also need to love myself. If anyone has any advice on how to break up with a whole family who has been doing you huge favors since day one, please, send it my way. Or a cloning device. That would actually be pretty great too.