Well, Nuts

I have been feeling, lately, like what I can only describe as a wash of beige. I feel colorless. Bland. Unremarkable. My skin is breaking out again. It's one of the bad spells. Ever since a few brief stints on a particular pill at the beginning of the year I have been breaking out regularly, though it varies in severity, even though I never broke out like this in junior high or high school. Meagan says it's karma coming back to give me what I deserve for having such great skin when all the rest of the adolescents were makeuping their pizza-faces. I don't know about that. Acne is so fickle and its causes so varied that it's hard to say why certain people have more or less issues with it. I have been using the Clinique Anti-Acne system for a while now and have really liked it, but I'm thinking that perhaps it's just not strong enough for my new super-acne, or my skin just got used to the medication and it's not as effective as it was when I started using it. Kira swears by Proactive. I remember using it for a while during high school and definitely didn't have any complaints, though I don't know that I would have been able to say for sure that it was that great either because I never had very severe acne to begin with. I've pretty much decided to give that one another shot once my current set runs out. Hopefully it will help me even out again.
Also feeling really not so happy with my body. I lost a full 35 pounds at the beginning of the year, and was feeling great. I have continued to scrupulously record my food intake and maintain my calorie budget, but I wasn't able to bring my treadmill with me to Arizona in August and have therefore not been walking like I did at home. I know that I could go outside, I know that I could do other things, other aerobic workouts in my room, blah blah blah, but the sad truth is that I love walking on that stupid old treadmill too much to have the determination to do much of anything else. I love walking. It makes me feel so great, and while I was doing it I was constantly and steadily losing weight. I want to be a person who goes for a walk every day, and eventually work my way up (stubborn lungs..) to running. It's more of a lifestyle than a workout routine and even in my short stint I have already felt the immense benefits and consider myself thoroughly converted. I think I let myself fall into a funk whenever I'm in Arizona. I detest the weather 90% of the year and find myself confined to the house which does not harbor very strong get-up-and-be-active feelings. I've actually gained back 7 of the pounds I lost at home. It's not the end of my story. Far from it. I'm letting myself just bum out the last few weeks that I'm here and then as soon as I get home I'm starting fresh again. I'm going to lose that last 30 pounds if it kills me. (Note: I know it's not about the number. It's about getting fit and healthy and feeling good about myself. Thing is, I know myself, and it's going to take that 30 pounds.)
Last but not least on my complaining spree, I am feeling completely unimpressed with everything in my closet. I have purchased a few new items of clothing over the past year or two, and I like my clothes, but everything is getting so old. Even my old favorite staples are fading and wearing and getting holes, and where I could have worn them as a nice outfit for a night out, now they seem too dingy to be on the "date night acceptable" list. I have a few pairs of jeans that I wear every day which shrink up shorter after so many washer/dryer cycles (another woe of the ridiculously tall, yay), and it seems that things aren't even fitting me the right way any more, whether because they've lost elasticity over time, or have shrunk in the dryer. I absolutely know that I have so much more than others. I am truly grateful for what I do have. But a girl does like to feel extra pretty sometimes and I find that it's harder to accomplish that as of late. It's entirely possible that I am feeling like this more so now than other times simply because I haven't washed my hair in a few days. It always boosts my self esteem when I'm clean. (What a concept, right?) And I will take a shower and wash my clothes and put on a fresh face and all that. And I'll be just fine. I mean, there's nothing wrong with me. I'm just looking forward to a few months from now when I'm back in a better groove of taking care of myself. Happy Holidays, you're a bum! Lol. End rant. Now only joyful things!