Collard Greens

Today my heart aches for my sister. Kira lives in Phoenix, and while I was there in Arizona working last semester I made the fifty plus mile drive up to their house on many occasions. I feel like that semester we grew closer as people than we have our whole lives. It's almost unreal how deeply I love and respect and admire her. Kira is the oldest sister. She has always been the "example" at least to me, and I oftentimes felt like that meant she was showing me what not to do with my life, simply because she did it differently. There were times when I honestly did not understand her. There were times we didn't really ever talk. But now? Oh, we talk. And it physically pains me (okay, maybe that's just the lady cramps today) to not be able to now just drive up to Phoenix to spend the day talking [I almost wrote chatting, but we don't really chat, we have actual meaningful deep conversations. It's beautiful.] and creating and cooking! Oh to cook with Kira! Anyone who knows Kira, really knows her, can see how much she enjoys cooking. She combines the oddest things into the most delicious meals you've ever eaten. I never knew how much I could enjoy cooking until I did it with Kira. It's like a narcotic. That sounds extreme, but seriously. Even if I am having the worst of worst days all I have to do is whip up some off-the-wall crazy delicious vegetable riddled meal that she comes up with on the spot and it's like my load is instantly lifted. That's something I really admire about Kira too. The woman knows how to use vegetables. I swear, it's like some freaky gift she traded her soul to the devil for. Who even knows how to cook vegetables in a million different ways and use them in every meal in such a way that they often rival the meat or pasta or whatever else would normally be categorized as the main dish? Kira inspires me. She makes me want to be the kind of person, and eventually the kind of wife, who will do this. Will actually cook for her family, good filling healthy meals. And not only that but she has such a fervor for life! There is nothing she decides to do that isn't accomplished in the most efficient and organized way. And with excitement too! I have no doubt that she could take over the whole world if she really wanted to. I'm just in awe of her abilities. I could go on and on. But today I'm just missing missing missing her dreadfully!! We probably email each other a hundred times a week, different pictures and ideas that we've found and little interesting things that happen to us. Many, but small emails. But it's hard to email a real in depth conversation like the ones you can have face to face. I met someone when I came home. We've been dating for several weeks now. And it's new. And it's exciting. And I'm very happy so far. But for some weird reason it almost doesn't feel real because I haven't been able to tell every single little inclination and feeling to Kira and have her validate me and tell me what she thinks about all of it. I almost don't want to fully open myself up to this person because Kira hasn't met him yet. That's not really the whole truth of it but it's like I need her approval before I can say, yes, this is my boyfriend. Dumb! How dumb is that? I do really like him. And no one else's opinion is going to change that. I don't ask for permission. I am an independent person and I act for myself, fully. But there's just something that completes any given situation for me when I have Kira's input. She's like... My philosopher. My mentor. My advisor. I fantasize us living near enough to each other when we start our families to be able to get together a couple of times a week and cook for everyone. Throw little themed parties and just to have our children grow up together. I'm almost afraid to do it without her. It looks like I won't really have this opportunity, at least not for an extended period of time, and that makes me really sad. But I guess what I can remember about all this is just how incredibly lucky and blessed I am to have a sister who inspires and teaches me so much about myself and about the world around me. Kira, I love you. I love you so, so much. Today, I miss you. And I always miss you. But I love you. Thank you for being my sister. <3