Hiking is Fun, and, A Moose

Tonight at about 9:00 Meagan and Jessica and I headed out to AF canyon to hike the Timpanookie trail, just because we felt like it, and it was too hot to do it during the day. Now, I have NEVER been a hiker. I've never enjoyed it, and actually have had a pretty huge and intense aversion to it in the past. Here is why: Hiking = Sunburn, hot and sweaty and nasty (not the good kind), being surrounded by ugly scratchy poky non-vegetation, getting dusty dirt in my nooks and crannies and bits, being outside in the sun (pure evil), being sore and exhausted (not the good kind), and not actually accomplishing anything at all. BUT. Since moving to Utah, I have discovered that hiking was actually not invented by the devil himself!! It's true folks! You can go hiking, and be, like, in pretty alive nature! You can go hiking where there is shade, and running water, and trees and flowers! You can go hiking for... FUN!

Before I got my heart surgery, hiking seemed like a double feat, because my lungs simply couldn't take the stress. But even after then I never really liked the idea of hiking. So I am very grateful to my dear friend Meagan for opening me up to the world of hiking again and showing me that I can actually really enjoy it. Showing me that I can actually do it. I've always been the kind of girl who finishes what she starts. It makes me itchy if I have to stop a project halfway through, or if I can't see something I'm doing all the way to the end to make sure that it has been done right. If I know that I won't be able to finish something in the way that I would like to, I don't even start it. This trait has sometimes been a fault, especially when it came to school work. Even if I was BS-ing something, it had to be expertly BS-ed, or I wouldn't turn it in. Anyway, tangent. Back to hiking. SO, a few months ago when Meagan forced me to go hiking with her and I agreed, I figured that I would at least get a good work out, and I knew I can always use one of those, and that I would be just fine when it was over and would probably still be alive. She assured me that the trail we were taking was only about two miles up (I had gone longer on my treadmill) and that the majority of it would be nicely shaded and possibly even chilly. Little did I know that when we got to that plateau I'd feel like a million bucks! The hike was so enjoyable, and I decided right then and there that I would like to do that sort of thing more often. It made me love Utah even more for it's beautiful mountains and waterfalls and green stuff! And that is the story of why I wanted to go hiking.

So last night, we ended up going to the same place that Meg first took me to on Mount Timp. We strapped our little lights onto our foreheads and headed up the trail. As we were plugging along along and chatting, Meagan mentioned that her mother had been up this trail not long ago and that they had seen a big moose close to the end of where we planned to hike. We joked around a bit about it and talked about how even though moose (Mooses? Meese? Moosen? Jk:) don't have big sharp claws or teeth like bears, they can be preeetty big, and have their giant antlers and hooves to smush people with. We got ourselves sufficiently psyched out, then basically just laughed it off and continued up the trail. Our plan was to at least get to Scout Falls before turning back, because it was getting pretty late, and we all had things to do in the morning. I felt like I could be okay with not going all the way to the plateau because if we said that the falls was the end of our hike, I could still feel accomplished if I made it there. Well, we were getting pretty close to the falls and kept weaving up the switchbacks over the water running down the mountain, and Jessica kept saying things like, "You know, it would be okay if we went back now. ... I think we should just be done, we keep having to walk through all this slippery water, and it's dark and hard to see. ... I don't know if we should go much further, it's getting to be a pretty tricky trail, and we don't want to get hurt." (I've paraphrased a little, but this was the gist of it.) Of course Jessica wasn't just trying to cop out of the hike early. She had legitimate concern for our wellbeing, and her shoes. But me being the finisher I am, ignored her warnings and continued on the trail. After the fact, it seems pretty obvious that Jessica was absolutely right. She had a feeling that we should turn around, and in stead of listening we ignored it and kept going. Closer, and closer to....

ATTACK!!!! Just kidding, we weren't attacked, but OH MY GOODNESS. Ahead of us on the trail, I heard a branch snap. These thoughts entered my head: Oh my gosh it's a moose! No, there's no way it's a moose, I'm probably just hearing things, or it's a much smaller less dangerous animal that will be much more afraid of us than we are of it. Maybe it's some kind of bird, I hear rustling above my head... These words actually came out of my mouth: "You guys it's a MOOSE!! No, I'm just kidding, ha ha. I just heard something move a little ways in front of us, but it's probably just something small. Let's keep going." And then... BAM. I saw it. a glowing point in the brush in front of us, just a teeny bit off the trail, and about a foot above the level of my head. We had discussed a little earlier that if we did indeed encounter a moose, or any other sort of animal, we would probably see a set of glowing eyes before any other part of it. I was only seeing one glowing supposed eye, but I did stop dead in my tracks to be sure. And then, out came the other glowing eye, I'd say about fifteen or so inches apart from the first. In an instant, all the blood drained from my face and my heart dropped to the bottom of my stomach. I was looking at what was surely a HUGE animal, approximately TEN FEET in front of me! Then came the antlers. Right into our trail. It only took a split second for me to shout to the other girls, "IT'S REALLY A MOOSE! HURRY, RUN!"

We started running back down the rocky trail shouting loudly and clapping our hands and trying not to slip and fall over the wet bits of ground. The last little ways we had hiked was going back and forth over the runoff of the falls so there was a decent amount of slippery wet ground. Surprisingly we made it quite a ways to the last big crossover with no one falling down as we hurried away from the moose, but then as I went to jump from a rock in the stream to the ground beyond, my foot landed right on... Nothing! I thought I was aiming for the driest bit of trail, when in fact there was no trail there at all! My right leg slid down through the brush to the side while my left leg folded under me to catch my fall. I got a nice looking scrape on my left knee and some cool mud splats, but we were still running from that moose! So up I jumped and on we went. The further away from the falls we got the less scary it seemed, but I was still SO relieved when we got back to the car. Safe and sound! (And with some cool battle scars to show for our adventure!)

So this is the lesson: Hiking is fun! And also, if your friend tells you there is a big moose in the woods that you are hiking into at night, and then your sister has a feeling you should turn around, listen to them! Or you might just meet a big moose, and almost fall off a mountain.

The end.

Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica

Well folks, it's true. So far I've lost 35 pounds, just like I said I would. (Well, I didn't say 35 specifically, just that I was going to get in shape.) This is largely to do with the wonderful contraption sitting in my living room that I have lovingly dubbed, the treadmill. Man I love that thing! :) Depending on what I've been doing during the week since I started this whole process I've varied my workouts and their frequency, and lately I've been able to walk every day (with the incline way up so I can practice for hiking with Meg!) with an ab workout added in three times a week as well. You may ask, "How does she do it??" Well I'll tell you. It's these lovely folks right here! I've already seen basically all of the episodes of "The Office" but I own the first four seasons on DVD and I hadn't watched them in a while, so I decided to pop one in while I was walking this week. Uh, whoever decided to make TV shows sans commercials last a pretty twenty minutes was a genius. They're perfect little mile markers! And my workout goes by super quick when I'm laughing to the point of snorting at Jim's hilarious pranks and Michael's nearly painful complete obliviousness. I think that the laughter even acts as a little boost in my workout! Who needs crunches when you can laugh in stead? :)

[Jim enters office dressed as Dwight. He adjusts his pager, sits down at his desk, and squints at his computer screen]
Jim: It's kinda blurry. [he pulls out glasses like Dwights and puts them on] That's better. [looks up at Dwight] Question. What kind of bear is best?
Dwight: That'a ridiculous question.
Jim: False. Black bear.
Dwight: That's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought--
Jim: Fact, bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.
Dwight: Bears do not-- What is going on? What are you doing??
[cuts to Jim talking to cameraman]
Jim: Last week I was in a drugstore, and I saw these glasses. Uh, four dollars. And it only cost me seven dollars to recreate the rest of the ensemble, so that's a grand total of... [beeps on watch/calculator] Eleven dollars.
[cut back to Jim and Dwight at desks]
Dwight: You know what, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so I thank you.
[Jim pulls a bobblehead from his briefcase and puts it on his desk]
Dwight: Identity theft is not a joke, Jim!! Thousands of families suffer every year!
Jim: Michael!
Dwight: Oh, that's funny. MICHAEL!

Gratitude

When I was growing up, living in California and Arizona, I always remember how magical it was to come to Utah in the summer and visit Grandma. Her house will forever make me think of getting bruises on my bum from the swing in the back yard, playing in the pretty red two story playhouse, and especially spiders spiders spiders. Lol. My sisters and I were always oddly fascinated by spiders, and for me, they will always be associated with my summers in Lehi. There seemed to be so many different kinds, and when we weren't grumpy with them for giving us little love bites in the night, we were watching them up really close as they crawled and flew and jumped. The jumping ones were the scariest though, so we never got too close to those. The daddy-long-legs were our favorites. We had those in San Diego too, and somehow their long long legs and slow moving bodies made them seem so much less creepy, and more like pets that we liked to hold and study. Another thing I remember about Grandmas house was her spoons. She collected them from just about every place she ever went, and kept them all in big wooden cases just like the one pictured above. Most of them were very small. Some were plain, and some were very pretty and ornate. There were lots and lots of spoons from Switzerland too. I loved that. :)

Grandma used to have what we called the Granddaughter Week in the summers, when all the girl cousins above the age of twelve would come and stay at her house and spend a week doing exciting Lehi things like attending the Rodeo, and getting to know and love each other. Grandma has never done anything in her life halfheartedly, and these visits were no different. We always had a devotional or lesson each day, and they were about wonderful things that us girls could really relate to and learn from. There was usually some kind of little gift that went along with the devotionals too, to remind us of what we learned and encourage us to incorporate it into our lives. One such lesson was on gratitude. We were given pretty little lined journals in which we were instructed to write every day five things that we were grateful for. When first assigned this challenge, I think us girls felt a little overwhelmed. Thinking of five brand new things to list every day?? How could we do that for very long without repeating answers! But then we were all handed little tubes of chapstick, and Grandma explained: The things that we are truly grateful for are often not the big things like our families and the gospel and our homes, but can be as simple as chapstick, or spoons. Imagine not having a nice stick of lip balm on a hot, dry day, or having to eat your breakfast cereal with a fork! She really is a smart lady, that Marilyn Nielsen. While sadly it's been a while since I've seen that pretty little journal I was given so many years ago, I haven't forgotten how to be grateful for the little things. Mirrors, and clocks, and birds, and wind, and paints, and cameras, and hair pins, and scarves. I've found that it can be so so easy to be happy all the time when we realize that we are literally surrounded by a million things that we'd be pretty grumpy without. How blessed we are to live in a world and a country and a time when we have all these things! Things we may not necessarily need, but we have them anyway, which makes it even more important to remember just how lucky we are.

I am grateful for a happy, smart grandmother, who taught her children to be happy and smart! I am grateful to live near my family and to laugh with them on a daily basis. I am grateful for my faith, and my talents, and my opportunities. And I am grateful, for spoons. :)

(I really really love breakfast cereal!!)

Daughter of God

I am blessed and humbled to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I remember first really gaining a testimony of it's truthfulness shortly before I was baptized at the age of eight. My mother asked me one day if I was excited to be baptized, and I quickly responded, "I'm not getting baptized." A little stunned, and worried, my mother asked, "Why not?" To which I replied, "I don't want to get baptized unless I know the church is true." In the days that followed I thought a lot on this, and during church the following Sunday I felt particularly impressed by the lessons on the Savior. I felt in my heart that the gospel really was true, and so I decided to get baptized after all, much to the relief of my mother. ;) To this day I still have a strong and sure testimony of this church.

It seems that I go through little cycles in my life (I'm sure many will relate). I get to a point where I feel like everything is going really well, I'm happy and fulfilled, and I have to think really hard to come up with anything worth complaining about. It's times like these that The Lord sees fit to shake things up a bit and give me a little trial or two to keep me on my toes. Once I fight my way through, and even throughout my hardest times, I feel that I have blessings heaped upon me, even to the point that I begin to feel like I don't deserve them. But I know that I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father. I know that He loves me, and I know that He hears my prayers and watches over me.

Recently I've gone through this very thing. When I moved back up here to Utah, I was blessed to very quickly find a job nannying for a family I became good friends with. I love their children, and the work they had for me was a perfect fit for my needs. I planned on staying with them for the duration of the fathers schooling and possibly internship, which would keep me steadily employed for about four years give or take. Then, this Spring, they told me that after some hard thinking they decided that as a family their best option was to move down to Arizona to be near family and better schooling. Two weeks later, they were out the door. I've written previously about this and how hard it was for me to decide to follow them, at least during the school year, and to continue working for them in Arizona. As of right now, I'm still committed to returning to AZ for one more college semester in the fall, then I'll come back home and have to find something new. I seriously underestimated the difficulty of following through with this decision, however. I knew I would be home this summer, and I knew that at some point I would run out of funds and need to have some other source of income. What I didn't think about was how hard it would be to find employment at this time when I need it the most. My problem is that no one wants to hire a nanny for two months just to have their children get used to them and then have them leave anyway. Many of the retail, or otherwise, companies hired their seasonal summer employees first thing in May and are all full until school starts again. I feel like I have looked everywhere I know how to look and still have been unable to find a job. But the bills keep coming. The responsibilities don't go away just because I am now unable to keep up with them. And the stress can be overwhelming.

 But at the same time, I am still also overwhelmed with blessings. My great car, that runs well and even has functioning air conditioning (a luxury compared with my last car!) has gone a full year without so much as a hiccup, and I know that I absolutely could not have come close to being able to get it without my wonderful Step-Grandparents. They came to my rescue when my car died in Arizona last summer and helped me get this new one. I now send my car payment every month straight to them, and their love and understanding during my unemployed summer has allowed me a little grace period to climb back up onto my feet again and not be too worse for the wear financially (aka, my credit will not be sabotaged). I also received a generous and selfless gesture from my Grandma Nielsen in helping to pay off a student loan. While I have been able to consistently write the repayment checks each month, the last few have been delayed this summer, but my smiling, understanding grandmother has not bat an eyelash of disappointment. I have been additionally blessed by a mother who has tolerated my coming over to eat most of my meals, and has even made a space for me in her home so that I can move all my things over from my apartment and not take up that space while I am gone in Arizona. This has an additional perk of eliminating the need for me to purchase groceries, as I am now able to be at home and eat with my family.

Yes, I've had a hard summer. I've been dealing with a struggle that many many people all around me are plenty familiar with. But through it all I have undoubtedly felt the love and care of my Father in Heaven. I know that He knows me, and knows my needs and weaknesses. I know that my Savior lives. I know that He died for me, and I know that He also knows me personally. I know that the church that is now restored to earth is the true and complete gospel. I love my family. I love my Savior and Father in Heaven. I know that in a few short weeks I will be well on my way up again. And I am grateful for the ride. :)

It Is Summer!

And Summer means...

Going to the Rodeo!

Roasting marshmallows and making s'mores

Watching movies outside with the projector

Wearing more pink and blue and vermillion

Walking barefoot in the grass

Letting my hair blow in the wind

Rolling up my pants

Working out every day

Sleeping just under the sheets

Reading books in the front yard

Turning on the air conditioning!

Driving real slow past the yellow wheat fields

A new season of the Bachelorette

Dollar flip flops from Old Navy

Hiking Mt. Timp with Meg

New romances

Old romances

Camping!
A new cow from Uncle Melvin
Snow cones
Parades
Cottonwoods raining down fluffy summer snow
Rolling the windows down
Taking lots of pictures
Cold showers
Spending lots of time at Mom's house
More freckles
Getting a little sunburned
Pinning my hair up
Eating lots of popsicles!
Missing good friends who are far away
Badminton in the back yard
Home grown vegetables
Accompanying the choir
Fireworks
Ten o'clock sunsets
Five o'clock sunrises
Picking lots of strawberries
Loving my family
Loving my town
Loving my life

Takin' a Walk Outside

what a day for a daydream

what a day for a daydreamin' boy

and im lost in a daydream

dreamin' 'bout my bundle of joy

and even if time ain't on my side

it's one of those days for takin' a walk outside

im blowin' the day to take a walk in the sun

and drawin' my face on somebodies new mowed lawn

i've been havin a sweet dream

i been dreamin' since i woke up today

it's starin' me and my sweet pea

cuz she's the one that makes me feel this way

and you can be sure that if you're feelin' right

it maybe will last along into the night

tomorrow at breakfast you can pick up your ears

or you may be daydreamin' for a thousand years

what a day for a daydream

custom made for a daydreamin' boy

and i'm lost in a daydream

dreamin' bout my bundle of joy

Getting Fresh

Lately, I am in love with pink.

Audrey Hepburn said:

"I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles."

I have recently begun a project making over what will soon be my new bedroom. In the past I have habitually been drawn toward darker richer color schemes, and have a wealth of red and black room decor to prove it. But since coming home to Utah, I find that I no longer need to fill my life with dense rich colors to offset the the blanched landscape. The Utah valley (while still technically a desert) is a land rich in vibrant color and life, and I have lately been craving brighter more alive surroundings to match the Spring blooms and green grass, and now the endlessly blue summer sky. I have NEVER loved Summer. But here, it's seriously growing on me. Anyway, while I know it may be a challenge converting to a completely different color scheme considering so many of my belongings fit into another bracket entirely, along with my desire for a lighter canvas comes the desire to downsize and do some serious simplifying. The walls in my bedroom have been painted a happy pink/orange "Sunkissed Peach" with a deep blue-purple bird silhouette and curly quote on one wall ("Be like the bird that, pausing on her flight awhile on boughs too slight, feels them give way beneath her, and yet sings, knowing that she hath wings." -Victor Hugo), and as soon as the floors are finished I'll proceed to arrange my hopefully Anthropologie-esque new living space. Aren't fresh starts great? Fresh fresh fresh fresh fresh... :)

Home

Last night I had the great pleasure of gathering together with other members of my community to fill and haul and place sand bags in an effort to keep flooding water from damaging the many homes it threatened. I was hanging out with some people from my singles ward when the elders quorum president, who happens to be a friend, recieved a call informing him that one of the girls in our ward needed quick assistance from as many people as possible to try to protect her home from the steadily rising water, and since we were already gathered together we all loaded into cars and made our way to her neighborhood. The sudden flooding was actually a result of a heavy dose of Spring snowfall that we recieved a few weeks ago. It covered the mountains, and then when the temperatures hit the high eighties and nineties this week it all melted very quickly and ran down into our little valley. On top of that, we also had a quick onset of very heavy rain just hours before we heard about the flooding. I have to say, I have never been witness to an actual flood, or really anything like it, so I was shocked and amazed at the amount of water that was pouring out of the canals and nearby creeks. The street on which our fellow ward member lived was already knee deep in water and sadly there wasn't much else we could do for her than had already been done. But there was still a lot of work to do elsewhere. We began by hauling sand bags from one of the many trucks that were out (You'd be surprised just how many trucks there are in a small town Utah community. Love it.) and lining them accross the street in an attempt to redirect the coursing water to a drain on the corner. When we had done all we could there our gaggle of wet, sandy volunteers loaded back into the car and made our way to a spot near the rodeo grounds to actually fill and tie the sand bags so that there would be enough for the people still placing them. The work was dirty and hard, but we barely noticed with the high spirits of so many happy service-givers. We worked late into the night shoveling and tieing and loading the sand bags that would hopefully prevent the kind of serious flooding that had already afflicted several homes in the area. By the time 1:30am rolled around I was exhausted and very sore, but so grateful to be a part of what we accomplished.

It's things like this that not only remind me how much I love living here, with such a tight knit community of truly great and selfless people, but also how incredibly lucky and blessed I am. My home was untouched by the flood waters. At the end of the night I came into a safe clean house and was able to climb into my own warm bed in my own room and just sleep. How blessed I am to have a home. How blessed I am to have my family so near, who loves and cares for me and whom I love as well. How blessed am I to be a part of a ward family who understands the importance of friendship and service. People who love the Gospel and live its teachings. How blessed am I to live on God's beautiful, miraculous, living earth, with it's many wonders. Truly, I am so blessed to be a daughter of my Heavenly Father, and to have the great opportunity to be here, now, a member of His chuch, trying as much as I can to live the teachings of my Savior. It shouldn't take a flood to remember these things, and really, it didn't. I am humbled every day and filled with gratitude for the wonderful life I lead. And even in the face of tragedy and loss, I am grateful for the opportunities I have to serve my fellow men and rally together with friends and neighbors in defense of our little community. It is so good to be, and feel completely and inescapably, at home.

A Good Motto

"Be like the bird that,
pausing on her flight awhile
on boughs too slight,
feels them give way beneath her,
and yet sings,
knowing that she hath wings."
--Victor Hugo

Someone Worth Finding

I usually try to stay away from talking about love, or crushes, or marriage, or any such related topics on this blog. Not at all because I don't think about those things, but because I'm afraid that if I get started, I won't stop, and that's not what I want the theme of this particular blog to be. I'm one of those girls who grew up enacting play-weddings with her siblings, collecting pictures of weddings from magazines, listing and re-listing and describing in relative detail the qualities she'd prefer in her "perfect" match. One of those girls who dreams about her future spouse, wedding, and children. It's something I think I just came pre-wired with, and regardless of how many excuses I make for myself to seem a little less crazy, that's just the girl I am. I want love. I want a family. More than anything on this earth. And over the years I think I've gone through several different phases of thinking when it comes to my opinion on how I'll find that love, and start that family. Sometimes I knew I was just being silly, and other times I thought for sure I was right, only to decide a few months, or years down the line that I had in fact progressed just a little bit further from what I had decided was a mature way of thinking into something even a little more realistic. My reluctance to write on this subject publicly is tied to that knowledge about myself. I change my mind. I learn. I grow. And when I reflect back on how I used to think about certain things, I think to myself, thank goodness I didn't share that with anyone else. It sounds so silly now! But for some reason I can't shake the desire to mull through my mind today and in my currently unattached state sort out the newest version of my view on love.

My sister Kira and I have begun a project. We're planning my wedding. My wedding that at some point in my future, (be it relatively near, or very very far) will occur. [I know this seems very silly and possibly jouvenile, but there is a method to my madness, I assure you.] Kira was recently married to my completely awesome now Brother-in-Law Gabe. She's always had an uncanny knack for planning (It must run in the family.) and she was essentially her very own wedding planner. We've been organizing mock wedding plans for years, and she's become quite good at knowing just how to do each little thing even if we don't actually execute any of it. (By, she's become quite good, I really mean, it's ridiculous how meticulous and awesome she is at planning weddings for someone who doesn't get paid to do it. She's like Jane on "27 Dresses". Kind of. Haha) Ordinarily I wouldn't be so into planning a wedding without the excitement of, um, a fiancée, but a thought occurred to me. When I do meet the person I want to marry and who also wants to marry me (Kicker. :P), the thought of a very very long engagement is not particularly appealing to me. Relatively long courtship, yes. But once that ring is on my finger, let's get the show on the road. The thought of a shoddy, quickly thrown together wedding reception is also not very appealing. Catch 22. (I wander when I write and am probably the queen of disclaimers and tangents, but the solution will be forthcoming, I promise.) Now, I know I'm beginning to come off as a little diva-ish, wanting everything my way, but I'm a very special kind of diva. I don't expect anyone else to give me what I want just how I want it. Oh no. I'm the kind of diva who enjoys nothing more than taking an obstacle and devising and executing a plan to overcome that obstacle. Why would I selfishly ask someone else to do the work that I'm fully capable of doing myself? And so we've come full circle to the solution to that catch 22. If I begin planning my wedding now, despite the fact that I am currently not even dating anyone, when the time comes that I am ready to start making a wedding happen, I will already have the bones of a plan, and a really good grip on what I'll need to do in order for the plan to become a reality. Obviously there are a lot of big unknowns when it comes to things like this that really can't be pinned down until there is a groom involved. I'll want his opinion and input on everything, and there is also the matter of finances at the time of engagement and thereafter which will largely determine the amount of the plan that will come to fruition.

Just to clarify, we're talking about the planning of a wedding reception here, as well as the logistics of the day I will be sealed to my husband in the temple. Things like attending to out-of-towners, wedding showers, wedding party luncheon, etc. I know that the most important thing is that I do indeed marry my husband for eternity in the temple, and that the party we get to have afterward is just that- a party. If funds are scarce, I won't mind a small party. And there are a lot of possibles on the master wedding plan list that really are optional. That's one of those can't-know-til-it's-actually-happening things. But the main idea here is simply to be prepared. I'm a HUGE advocate for planning and preparedness. That way I won't turn into bridezilla trying to pull off a tasteful winter wedding when I only just became engaged on Thanksgiving. (Hypothetical situation. Obviously.)

Alright. So now that I've got the imaginary wedding out of the way, I think I'd like to write about the marriage part. The people part. The part that matters. I have a quote hanging in my house next to a picture of the Salt Lake Temple that reads:

"I would admonish you to maintain an eternal perspective. Make certain that the marriage in your future is a temple marriage. There is no scene so sweet, no time so sacred as that very special day of your marriage. Then and there you glimpse celestial joy..."  --Thomas S. Monson

 And that, folks, is what it's about. Celestial joy. While I am in my early years I'll prepare most carefully so I can marry in God's temple for eternity. These are not just the words to a song we learn in Primary. It's for real. Life is happening, and the time to prepare is now. I've decided (DUH) that 'finding' my husband has absolutely nothing to do with finding him. He's not lost for goodness sake. It's about being someone worth finding. How wonderful to discover that this small, obvious realization would make life so much easier! I should have been smart a long time ago. Although, I suppose it really wouldn't have mattered since I'm really just getting started into all this business of I-could-get-a-guy-and-marry-him-anytime-now-and-that-would-be-okay. I have begun to think about this twenty-something-single part of my life as a chapter all on it's own. It's not just the italicized introduction to another chapter. I have also decided that I want it to be a really good chapter, and the only person who is in charge of that is me! So in stead of putting my focus on dating, and assessing, and analyzing, and crossing off the checklist, I'm putting my focus on his checklist for me. That sounds off... I guess what I'm saying is that I've stopped looking other places and started looking inside myself. I know I'm young, and I'm in absolutely no rush to get married. That's not to say that I don't think I'd be ready for it if it happened. Because I know that I would be. I would step up. I've always been that way. Rising to each challenge. But I'm not right now, and that's great. I'm in no rush, and that means I can take my time taking chances and making mistakes and figuring out what makes me happy all by myself. Just ME. If I become ME before I'm found, how much greater of a find will I be?? How much happier and safer will I feel if I can come into a relationship saying, this is who I am, and this is what I want, and if who you are and what you want can hold hands with that and keep smiling, then let's do this! In stead of, I think who you are and what you want is wonderful, so let's see if when I figure myself out somewhere along the line, we'll still jive with each other. Scary. Unpredictable. I'm NOT a girl who likes unpredictable. I like planned. I like prepared. I like good bets. Safe bets. I like realistic. I like logical. I like sensible. -- WE ALL KNOW THAT LIFE IS NOT LIKE THIS. -- But, there must needs be opposition in all things. And if God puts scary and unpredictable in the world, then by all means, I can sure do my part infusing the safe and the planned and the thought-out.

And then, I can throw it all out the window when life really happens. And you know what? I'll still be smiling... :)

Today, I am Sick

It's been a very very long time since I can even remember being sick enough to say, I am sick. I rarely get "sick" at all, but even if I do have a headache, mildly sore throat, or any other kind of malady, I just suck it up and will it away. It's been literally years since I've taken a day off of work (or school) because I was sick. Now, I haven't taken any work off quite yet, and hopefully won't need to tomorrow, but I did allow myself to sleep all morning in stead of going to church. I know if I can do that and feel alright about it, I must really be sick. I find myself thinking today how colossal the list of things I don't suffer from/through really is, and how incredibly blessed I am. I think about my family members, and close friends, who deal with cumbersome health issues on a regular basis. Depression runs in my family. My mother and sister both suffer from thyroid malfunction and it's accompanying distresses. My little brother used to be congested basically 24/7, but luckily it's not quite so bad now. I can remember while I was in school watching the people around me in what seemed like cycles miss school due to illness. I, on the other hand, had to think up good reasons to miss school and plan those "sick days" based on what was going on in my classes so that I didn't miss anything too important. Haha:) I like to think that what I call my ironclad immune system came about due to my very particularly circumstantial childhood. First of all, my mother ran a daycare in our home for several years. I was always always always exposed to anything that was going around. Sometimes I got it, and sometimes I got it and never realized it because my body fought it off faster than it could catch on. Secondly, while I never once felt like we were lacking anything, or were poor in any way, I realize now that I may have been told repeatedly that getting sick was simply not allowed because we couldn't afford it. When I broke my leg as a five-year-old, the closest I got to the emergency room was the parking lot. Then I was driven back home and carried around for weeks so that my very capable body could heal all on its own. I don't mean this to sound tragic in any way. Quite the contrary. Our little(big) family was on the receiving end of many miracles. We struggled, as all families do, but we were healthy because getting sick was, simply, not allowed. Me being the stickler for rules that I am caught on to that concept seemingly subconsciously, the same way that Mom and Dad put it there without realizing it.
I am grateful for a mother who didn't coddle and baby her children as they grew, but who taught us to be strong and trust our magnificent bodies to do exactly what God designed them to do. I am grateful for a body that does not let me down, and that fights on the inside just as hard as I try to on the outside. I am grateful for ears, eyes, fingers and toes, that function to the capacity they were intended to. Today, though I am sick, I am grateful for my health.

Lime Chicken Tortilla Yum!

Last weekend I had a pretty awesome date with a guy from my ward, and the wonderful Meagan Berry and her friend from her ward. We had a great time just chatting and laughing, but one of the best parts was this delicious soup that we made for dinner!! I got the recipe from my sister's friend Jennica, and it turned out perfectly. The picture here isn't exactly what it looked like because ours had the salsa fresca in it, and shredded chicken too, but it's as close as I could find online. Nothing like a good homestyle recipe:) Enjoy!

Chicken Tortilla Soup with Salsa Fresca
Ingredients:
4 corn tortillas (6-7 in.)
3 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, peeled and finely chopped
1 tsp minced or pressed garlic
1 dried bay leaf
1/2 tsp dried oregano
1/2 tsp crushed dried chili pepper flakes
8 cups chicken broth
1 large ripe avocado
1 lime/lime juice
3/4 cup shredded jack cheese
2-3 chicken breast pieces


Salsa Fresca:
1 lb ripe tomatoes
1 fresh jalapeno
1/4 cup finely chopped onion
1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro
4 tbsp lime juice

Stack tortillas and cut into 1-inch-wide strips. Pour oil into a 5- to 6-quart pan over high heat. When oil is hot, add tortilla strips and stir often until crisp and lightly browned, 2 to 3 minutes. Remove from heat and, with a slotted spoon, transfer tortilla strips to towels to drain.
Cook chicken thoroughly in pan with lime juice and season to taste. Add onion and garlic to pan the last five minutes so it cooks until limp. Pour chicken broth and add spices to a large pot. Add onion and garlic, and shred chicken before adding to the pot.Cook on high heat and allow to boil for 20 minutes.
Meanwhile, prepare the salsa fresca by dicing tomatoes and other ingredients and mixing together in a bowl, or combining in food processor until coarsely puréed. Pit, peel, and thinly slice the avocado. Rinse lime and cut crosswise into thin slices; discard ends.
Add half of the salsa fresca to the soup in the pot and allow to finish cooking the remainder of the 20 minutes. When soup is done, pour evenly into bowls and add the fresh avocado slices and remainder of the salsa fresca. Garnish with tortilla strips, lime slices, and jack cheese.
Enjoy!!

Danielle Loves...

Rainy days
Watching movies with a blanket in her lap
When Kira and Gabe visit
Painting her fingernails
ANTHROPOLOGIE
Cinnamon Life cereal
Freshly colored hair
Winter trees
When the baby laughs
Santiago Huckleberry candles
Great photography
Stiletto heels
Cool showers after great workouts
Mustard yellow
Honey Crisp apples
When the bed is made
Clear skin days
Bare feet in the sand
Sunglasses
Downeast Basics
The rockstar diaries Blog
Nerts with the family on Sunday night
C.O. Bigelow Ultra Mentha Lip Shine
Emily Dickensen poems
Date night
Happy children
Cute aprons
Reading magazines
Antique books
Brushing her teeth
Long enough pants
Researching/projects with Kira
Collaborative cooking
Mom's back yard
Her sisters
Her little brother
The really good Disney Pixar movies
Eclectic design
Making it on her own
Her job
Open windows in the Springtime
The smell of fresh flowers
Birds
Black and white
Listening to old records
Playing the piano
Nice cold water
Boys with toasty skin
Catching Eli cleaning up after himself without being asked
Ralph Lauren Rocks perfume
Meaningful quotes
That she has her mother's nose
The first time of the year that she can see her breath
Singing out loud in the car
Spending less than forty dollars on a tank of gas
Pita Jungle restaurant
Feeling full long before she ever used to
Her freckles
Discovering that something is on sale at the checkout
Not having homework
Jessica's effortless style
Hearing from good friends unexpectedly
Thursdays
Taking naps
Her Chuck
Avocados
Plaid flannel pajama pants on Christmas morning
Sabra hummus
Zooey Deschanel
Velvet couches
Her yellow bag from Franchesca's
Galoshes
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
Diesel Fuel For Life cologne
Lehi, Utah
The Rodeo
Waking up to fresh snowfall
Hot apple pie
The Bomb in a Bird Cage album
Being a girlfriend
People who use correct grammar
Easy Sunday afternoons
Grilled salmon
The dream she has about her future children
Getting all gussied up for a night on the town
Football
Arizona sunsets
Griffith Observatory
The Salt Lake Temple
Her life

<3

Liberated

"OUR DEEPEST FEAR IS NOT THAT WE ARE INADEQUATE. OUR DEEPEST FEAR IS THAT WE ARE POWERFUL BEYOND MEASURE. IT IS OUR LIGHT, NOT OUR DARKNESS, THAT MOST FRIGHTENS US. WE ASK OURSELVES, WHO AM I TO BE BRILLIANT, GORGEOUS, TALENTED, AND FABULOUS? ACTUALLY, WHO ARE YOU NOT TO BE? YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD. YOUR PLAYING SMALL DOESN'T SERVE THE WORLD. THERE'S NOTHING ENLIGHTENED ABOUT SHRINKING SO THAT OTHER PEOPLE WON'T FEEL INSECURE AROUND YOU. WE ARE ALL MEANT TO SHINE, AS CHILDREN DO. WE ARE BORN TO MAKE MANIFEST THE GLORY OF GOD THAT IS WITHIN US. IT'S NOT JUST IN SOME OF US, IT'S IN EVERYONE. AND AS WE LET OUR OWN LIGHT SHINE, WE UNCONSCIOUSLY GIVE OTHER PEOPLE PERMISSION TO DO THE SAME. AS WE ARE LIBERATED FROM OUR OWN FEAR, OUR PRESENCE AUTOMATICALLY LIBERATES OTHERS."
-MARIANNE WILLIAMSON

Just Enjoy the Show

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go, I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why

Slow it down
Make it stop
Or else my heart is going to pop
'Cause it's too much
Yeah, it's a lot
To be something I'm not

I'm a fool out of love
'Cause I just can't get enough

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go, I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show

The sun is hot in the sky
Just like a giant spotlight
The people follow the sign
And synchronize in time
It's a joke, nobody knows
They've got a ticket to that show
Yeah

I want my money back
I want my money back
I want my money back
Just enjoy the show... 


LENKA

Something Unexpected

I've been telling myself for a while now that I definitely need to be on the lookout for some major bumps in the road, because I've been so happy, and everything in my life seems to be going so well. I find so much to be thankful for these days. I am LOVING the weather, despite it's multiple-personality-disorder tendencies. I absolutely love being so close to my family here in Lehi. I love that I have such a peaceful and spacious place to live, free of rent. I love my calling in my ward, scary as it may seem at times. I love that I have found such great friends in my ward and get to spend time with them and just enjoy being the single twenty-somethings that we are. One of the greatest things I feel I have been blessed with is my job. I LOVE my job. I can honestly say that it is THE best job I've had in my entire life. I've been blessed with some pretty great jobs in the past, yes, but I really have NO complaints with this one. It's close to home, the pay is great, the hours are great, the family I work for is very understanding and flexible and accommodating. And those boys.. Oh goodness I love those boys. For any readers who may be unaware, I am working as a nanny for a family here in Lehi with two little boys, aged one and a half and nearly three. I never come home in a bad mood, and find so much joy in even the little mundane tasks that my "playing mommy" requires. You never really know true humor until you've interacted with little kids. They are a riot, let me tell you. Lol.
So. Now that we've established how great I've got it, by some miracle, here comes the kicker. This family that I'm working for has family living in Mesa, Arizona. The school that Jason, the husband, is attending is also based in Mesa, but he has been taking his lectures online, and then flying down to Mesa for finals and to check in about once a month. The reason they have been living so comfortably here in Lehi is that Sarah, the wife has been working as an accountant for a company in Salt Lake City. She's worked very hard and attained a position in the company with many responsibilities and benefits. However, her company has become aware of the fact that they have been looking to buy a house in another neighborhood in the Utah Valley. The company very kindly suggested that she request a transfer to their Arizona location. Of course this is a great idea for this family. It makes sense on a lot of levels, and is obviously the best option for them at this time. When I came back from Spring Break at the beginning of this week I was informed that they had in fact decided to make that move. I was also told that the hardest part of this decision for them was thinking of a way that they could convince me to come with them and continue working as their nanny in Mesa. Wow. So now I'm faced with a real dilemma. The circumstances of me doing this would be as follows: I would drive down to Arizona in my car and stay with them in their new home for the remainder of this school year (because when Jason is out of school for the summer, he will take care of the kids himself), then I would come back home to Lehi. When school starts up again in August, I would drive back down to Mesa and stay with them again, (or figure out a different living situation if I was uncomfortable staying in their home) and continue working for the duration of the school year, coming home to Lehi during breaks, just like someone would do if they were to attend an out of state school. My hangups with this option would be not knowing if my finances would last over the summer, and also feeling so unsettled in my living situation. I've had trouble with this in the past, where I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I 'belonged' in Mesa for so long that when we moved here I felt like I was in limbo; no home in Mesa, and Lehi wasn't home yet either. But now I feel that I really have established a home for myself here, and have come to love it so much that although I have great friends in Mesa, I really feel that I am so much happier and more fulfilled in Lehi. If I decide to accept Sarah and Jason's offer to continue working for them (which they coupled up with a raise as well, to entice me to accept) I would once again be split between two worlds. I know that I could make it work if I had to, but the real question for me is, is it worth it? I dread the idea of having to find a new job, and then the idea that it might not be nearly as good as my work with Sarah and Jason. I also hate the idea of not getting to work with those great little boys anymore too. I feel so lucky to have found this job in the first place, and now I've got to decide if it's really good enough for me to sacrifice what I would need to in order for it to work out in Mesa.
Obviously, if I decided that I really just couldn't handle being split between my two 'homes' and needed to stay here in Lehi more permanently, I would have to find another job and begin working this summer. I know how frightening and unsettling it is to not know where my income is going to come from, and having to weed through countless job options that may or may not be sufficient for my needs. It's something I've gone through before, and it only makes having a great job and not having to worry about that even sweeter. Incidentally, I've also reached the point at this time when my school loans are kicking in. My grace period has ended, and I now have two more bills to add to my monthly list. So it is very important that I do have a reliable income.
I wish I had a better conclusion for this post, but as of right now I'm still right in the middle of this war in my head. It seems like I change my mind every five minutes. Whenever I am at work, I think there's no way I could leave those boys and have to go through a crazy stressful job hunt once again, but when I'm not, I end up rationalizing and convincing myself that I should just let it be okay to move on to the next thing and trust that it will still be an acceptable situation. One main argument I've been using with myself is that I know this job won't last forever. Eventually when Jason finishes school and his internship, he will start working, and Sarah will be able to stay home with the boys, which is their ultimate goal. With this in mind, I think, if I know I'll have to stop working for them eventually, why drag it out? But on the flip side, once again, I know this job won't last forever. I'll have maybe four years tops that I'll need to go back and forth, and then I'll just move on to the next thing here in Utah. I won't be stuck in an endless limbo, just four years max, and even then, both places will have their perks. I lived in Mesa for ten years already, it's not like it's someplace new entirely. I have good friends in Mesa. I wouldn't be lonely.
Goodness. I could talk myself in circles about this for hours. I suppose I really just need to keep praying for guidance, like I have been so frequently, and trust that when the time comes that I need to make an absolute decision, I will. And it will be okay. And life will go on, and I will be happy:) Because I sure have so much to be happy about.

Something to Feast On...

"We have all seen the evil workings of the adversary, but have we ever considered that maybe the adversary is waging a war on our health? Wouldn't it be easy for him to take away our health, happiness, and self-esteem in a technology-laden, food-dependent world? On the other hand, Heavenly Father wants us to be healthy; he gave us divine instruction pertaining to our temporal and spiritual health. As a beacon of light, he gave us the Word of Wisdom. The Word of Wisdom isn't just about what we shouldn't do but also what we should do in order to be our best. For many of us, that means losing weight--and not just losing weight to fit into an item of clothing that was really bought too small as some sort of twisted motivaton. Rather, it means losing weight to become healthy and feel great--so we can accomplish the great things Heavenly Father sent us here to do."

--Melanie Douglass, R.D. In "Losing It! An LDS Guide to Healthy Living"

LOVE, Danielle

Dear Grandma's Pramberger,

You are the love of my life. It's too bad I can't fold you up and put you in my pocket and take you everywhere with me. You are perfect, but you are not portable.

Dear fat lip,

Please go away very soon. I like to look nice on the weekends so that I can attract a husband.

Dear Jessica,

That tea party hors d'oeuvre you are making smells delicious. You are a little Cookie McGee and you are cute when you wear ugly aprons.

Dear Ross and Rachel,

I am very very upset that you broke up. Please stop being stupid and pissing me off.

Dear rain,

I love you.

Dear Abby Moses the small dog,

You are very smelly and I don't want you to touch me, but you are also funny and it's okay for you to live at my Mom's house.

Dear t-shirt,
Why did I wear you today? It is too cold for cap sleeves. Although, you do look great on me.

Dear trees across the street,
Thank you for being huge and awesome. Keep up the good work.

Dear future husband,
I know you are busy getting your PhD, but please take just a little break to buy me dinner and tell me I look pretty.

Dear food,
Thank you for being so delicious, but please stop trying to seduce me. Especially you, dark chocolate.

Dear pants,
Please stop falling down. I'm sorry, but my part in this issue is not going to change, so you're just going to have to get smaller too. Try to keep up.

Dear Mom who is using Facebook at work,
You are funny and I like you a lot.

Dear smudge on my glasses,
You are annoying. Cut it out.

Dear Kira and Gabe in LA,
Stop being so far away. This is unacceptable. Commence plans to return to Lehi immediately. Thank you.

Dear friends from my ward,
You are funny and fun to be around. Thank you for making me talk to you and sit by you in sacrament meeting.

LOVE, Danielle

She Comes In Colors

Have you seen her dressed in blue?

See the sky in front of you

And her face is like a sail

Speck of white so fair and pale

Have you seen a lady fairer?

Have you seen her all in gold?

Like a queen in days of old

She shoots her colors all around

Like a sunset going down

Have you seen a lady fairer?

She comes in colors everywhere

She combs her hair

She's like a rainbow

Coming, colors in the air

Oh, everywhere

She comes in colors

A wonderful thing has happened. I’ve rediscovered my happiness. Wowie, I forgot how good I am at it too! Haha:) Not only have I dropped nearly fifteen pounds since Christmas, I’ve gone to enough ward activities to procure a really great social circle for myself, and discovered that I apparently get super into church basketball games. I don’t know for how much longer they’re going to play, but every Wednesday and Thursday there’s a game at my building we all go to. It’s quite the event. Can I just say how much I still love my ward? Blessing after blessing after blessing. I am one lucky girl!

Last night I had the gang over to watch (500) Days of Summer, which is still one of my all time favorite movies! It sort of reminds me of the most recent relationship I had, which for me ended quite simply when I moved away. He had a slightly harder time with the transition though, and it has been something of a struggle explaining to him why it was actually really okay. I don’t want to ruin the movie for those who will still have the privilege of seeing it, but one aspect of the story line is that Summer, the girl, does not believe in love, or fate, or forever, whereas Tom, the boy, believes so strongly in them that he creates quite the predicament for himself when those ideals come under examination. I love the opening line for the film, "This is a story of boy meets girl... But you should know up front, this is not a love story." Coupled with the beautifully unique crooning of Regina Spektor, it’s hard not to fall in love right from the very beginning. Good stuff. :)

In Lieu of Wooing Beardy

I'd say I underestimated the loneliness, but that would be a lie. I knew how hard it would be to adjust to such a drastically downsized social circle when I got here, but expecting it and experiencing it are two different things entirely. I love Lehi. I love the weather here. I love the small town feel, with all the amenities still so close at hand. I love the trees; they're even beautiful in the winter. I love being so close to my family. I love having somewhere to call home that doesn't reek of paint and cigarette smoke. I love that Grandma's gorgeous Pramberger baby grand is just a staircase away. I love that I can curl up tight, or sprawl out sideways on the queen sized bed and still not have to worry about falling off. I love that I have a comfy rocker next to the fireplace to settle in and warm up with a magazine on cold nights. I love that I love this place. I love that I made the decision to come here of my own free will and then made it happen. Because I wouldn't love it if I didn't. But I did, and I do. So this feeling so lonely all the time thing that keeps tugging at the hem of my shirt should be easier to banish, shouldn't it?.. I suppose the most frustrating part is knowing that I should be perfectly content, and then some, with all the wonderful blessings I know I've recieved that have got me this far. I shouldn't want more. I shouldn't need more. But still there's that tugging. The not wanting to go home and be alone after any given outing. The not wanting to sit on the couch, or walk on the treadmill and watch another movie by myself. There's the wanting to have somewhere else to go, someone else to see, something else to look forward to.
In the past, I've had boyfriends. Now, that tug is not necessarily the same one I've been experiencing as of late, but it has given me something of a common denominator to life in the past. Something to put markers in the passing of time. Something to fill in the cracks. Something to smile about. (Not that I don't already have plenty to smile about, it's just different.) Weekends were not something to stress about because even if I didn't have plans, I knew I had plans. I know full well that having a boyfriend now is not the 'fix' I'm looking for, but perhaps it would be nice to just have a date? With all the friends and acquaintances (my age, no less) who are already either married, or bejeweled on a particular hand, one date should not be such a difficult request! I'm actually really supposed to make that happen sometime in the near future so that I can double with my good friend and my step-brother, whom, after meeting on my birthday, have both expressed their interest in each other to me. Good things. However, upon looking repeatedly through my phone book, I've discovered that while I surely would have been able to find a date, as well as several backups were I still located in Mesa, all of the boys I know on this side of the state line are either on their missions, or living in a different city. Mostly the mission thing. What's a girl to do to get a date in this town!
Which leads me to... Beardy. Haha:) SO. On Sunday I went to my new singles ward for the first time. Without a doubt it was a black and white experience when compared to the last singles ward I attended. Within minutes of sitting down for sacrament meeting, I was greeted and introduced to a few of the regular girls. After the first meeting, the bishopric also introduced themselves and welcomed me. I was acknowledged in Relief Society. And I hadn't left the building before several of the members of the ward encouraged me to come participate in the upcoming ward and stake activities. Talk about Heavenly Father knowing just where to put you and what you need! I'm mildly hopeful that this whole 'date' fiasco will tie into my new friendly ward somehow too.
Of course I did my initial sizing up of the potential when I came in, and let me tell you, there is a gold mine of young single attractive members in this city. While a fair few young men caught my eye, one in particular kept me looking. Due to his dapper sense of style, and the wealth of done-just-right facial hair on that handsome, debonair face of his, he will henceforth be referred to as: Beardy. Ohh, Beardy.. I noticed that he saw me in the congregation as well, and even looked back at my row a few times before the meeting began. I, of course, slyly and quite mysteriously ignored him to create more of an intrigue he'd be sure to want to figure out. Oh yes, I'm very good at what I do. Ha! Then after the block was over there he was leaning against a table in the hallway right outside of the class I happened to be in. Now, I know this was certainly mere coincidence; I'm not so deluded to think that he would seek me out on purpose, however, it was terribly convenient. *evil laug--* Ehem! So anyway, I just collected my things and coolly walked right past him, glancing over to make eye contact only for a very brief moment before continuing down the hall to the door, all the while smirking to myself and feeling his gaze on my back. And that was that! Who knows what kind of person he actually is, or if I'll ever even have a real conversation with him, but goodness me is he cute. I've recited this story to a few close friends, and they're all very adamant about the fact that I should just suck it up and ask him out, but how on earth can I do that before I make him think I don't want to! It would render my strategy to make him fall in love with me completely useless. Hahaha:) So I suppose for now I'll just have those few outings on my social calendar, and that sweet lovin' Pramberger to be my boyfriend. Going out with Beardy will have to wait, and my sense of humor will keep me sane until then. I'm feeling better already. :)