CRAP

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Apple Juice, And an Adventure

Today has been a happy one, a mostly normal one, and also, an adventure.
A few days a week I get to load up my car with two handsome men and drive to the elementary school where Eli has preschool. Today was one of those days, and let me tell you, that in and of itself is an adventure. We have to make sure lunch is eaten and cleaned up in time, then E. gets slathered in sunscreen, backpack checked for stowaways and strapped on, sippy cup filled, socks and shoes on, one last stop in the bathroom, and then into the car seats with both the boys so we can be on our way. All systems were go and we were even a few minutes early, when all of a sudden my car started to sputter and then died. Yep. For only the second time in my life, I had run out of gas. (Ironically, the first time I had two other great kiddos in the back. Coincidence? Bad luck? Why??) Luckily there was a nice stretch of gravel that I was able to pull over into on the side of the road, and after putting on my hazards and taking a deep breath I got out of the car and proceeded to unstrap the little men. After all, we were literally yards from the preschool, and even though it would still take us several minutes to walk there I decided it was best if Eli got to school and then I could figure out the car situation later. A few things to note: I brought along two big gallons of apple juice to deliver to Eli's class, and yes folks, it's still 104 degrees outside. Just so you get a better picture of this in your head. So here I am, the baby on one hip with my wallet and keys wedged between us, two jugs of apple juice in my other hand, and little Eli with his sippy cup and backpack next to me, preparing to cross the street so that we can get to school on time. I'm sure we were quite a sight to the cars driving by. We had been standing there at the side of the road for probably less than a minute and I was waiting for one last truck to pass us so that we could cross, but in stead it pulled over behind me. Alright, I thought, that works too. So I walked back over to the other side of the car so that I could tell whomever these nice people were that I had run out of gas, and we were just going to walk to the school since it was so close. Out of the truck came two guys who looked to be in their early to mid twenties who were on their way to a job site when they saw me and the boys and decided to stop and lend a hand. I said a silent prayer asking Heavenly Father to help me know if the boys and I were going to be safe, and if we should accept a ride from these guys. Even though I was extremely nervous to have Eli strapped in without a car seat, and Brax just riding on my lap, it seemed as if this was our best option, and I did feel the reassurance of the Spirit telling me we would be okay. We first stopped at Eli's school so that he could be on time and we could get rid of the apple juice. While we were waiting for the teachers to unlock the gate, Eli pointed out their church building just across the street. "Look that's my church!" he said. The young man we were with saw that it was an LDS church building and said to me, "I'm LDS too. What ward are you guys in?" I told him that I was just the silly nanny who ran out of gas and that I went to a different singles ward, but the boys went with their family to the ward here. I had a feeling before that we were in good hands, but I felt even better knowing that these men were also members of the church.
After Eli went in to his class, we proceeded to drive to our friendly strangers parents home where he said he knew they had a gas can we could use. The house was literally only two minutes away from us so it was a quick ride. On our way to what I thought would be a gas station so that I could pay to fill up the gas can we stopped back at my car, and I realized when the man lifted it up that it was already full. The guys quickly poured the gas into my car and we were back in business. I told them I hadn't realized they already had the can filled up, and asked if there was anything at all I could do for them, but they said that they didn't need anything and that they were happy to help. I thanked them profusely and then we got back in the car to head home. (Well, to a gas station first to fill up the rest of the way, then home.) I was overwhelmed as we drove away by my gratitude for such a huge blessing. These people stopped to help us mere minutes after I had run out of gas, and just as quickly as they came they were gone. Somehow they already had a filled gas can to use, and their home was just down the road for them to get it. I absolutely believe in miracles, and I believe that this was one of them. I cannot even express in words my love and gratitude to my Father in Heaven for his watchful eye over me and the boys today. Angels are among us, and I got my very own visit. :)

Did You Know...

...That my beautiful mother used to be a freelance seamstress? She made many of our outfits when we were kiddos, and even created a wedding dress or two, not to mention the prom and formal dresses over the years that her daughters have been spoiled with. What a talented lady she is, and how grateful am I to be her daughter and to have inherited her creativity. Today, I long to sew.. I love you, Mom.

I'm a Bird

I'm a bird. I learned to fly very young because I had to and I've been flying ever since. It doesn't take a lot to make me happy, just good food, good friends, and good chirps (laughs). My home is simple, but worth the fiercest protecting because it is my home. I spend my days singing along to anything I can hear, and if I don't know the words I whistle. Sometimes I find that I've flown further from home than I intended to. I may be lost for a while, but somehow I can always find my way back again. If I land on something that pricks, I hop up and keep moving. If I eat something that disagrees with me, I buck up and get through it and then remember not to eat it again. I take care to stay preened and groomed. I value cleanliness, and love a good bath. I'm attracted to all things sparkly, and while I often can't obtain them, I still find happiness in the looking. I was lovingly raised by a mother who sacrificed what she had to give me a good chance at life, and one who now knows that because of it I'm strong enough to make it on my own (Though I still sometimes return to the nest for the pleasure of her company and assistance). I am not a particularly high maintenance creature because I do the maintaining myself, but of course I won't pass up the sweet gesture of a handful of crumbs thrown my way. I can sometimes be a gossip, though without malice. I like to wake up to the sun, and start my day with a song. I am loyal to a fault to those I care for and will defend my family against any foe. I'll stop moving for a while when it rains, but only so that I can soak in the peace and the taste of it in the air. I am uncomfortable to be on the ground where I can't see all that's going on around me. I don't like to be taken by surprise, and I'll react quickly when I'm startled. I'm happiest when the spring blooms cover the soft earth and I can feel the suns rays reflecting back up at me in technicolor. I have a small window of comfort when it comes to the temperature. Too hot and I'll lose my wits. Too cold and I'll just want to sleep. When the time comes that I choose a partner, I'll fiercely and affectionately stay by his side and expect nothing less of him. Always. I'll be pleasantly, simply, me all of my life. And then when my time on this earth is done, I'll quietly slip away and find some other bright corner of the universe to whistle about.

Happiness

I am happy the first time of the year that I can see my breath.
I am happy when I get to have Sunday dinner at the Lawlor's.
I am happy to have extraordinary sisters, whom I love.
I am happy with my body.
I am happy to work with such great little boys, and their great parents.
I am happy when the numbers on the scale haven't gone up.
I am happy in Lehi, UT.
I am happy when the cottonwood trees rain down little white fluffs in the Summer.
I am happy to have such a great car.
I am happy to have been blessed with so many fun talents.
I am happy when it rains.
I am happy when it snows real slow.
I am happy in my Singles ward.
I am happy that I can be me and still feel beautiful.
I am happy to have such good friends.
I am happy with my choices.
I am happy to have so much potential before me.
I am happy when I get to have freshly manicured nails and colored hair.
I am happy with my Chuck.
I am happy that my hair will grow back.
I am happy that I met Meagan Berry.
I am happy they invented Midol.
I am happy to be healthy.
I am happy for adventures, like the moose one.
I am happy for memories of my Daddy.
I am happy to have had a simple, fun childhood.
I am happy when I cook with Kira.
I am happy when I play the piano.
I am happy on clear skin days.
I am happy that Ross and Rachel finally got together.
I am happy that Jessica finished hair school like I didn't, and she can do awesome things to my hair now.
I am happy playing Scrabble with Neil.
I am happy that my bedroom turned out so well.
I am happy after a really good workout.
I am happy that I was so successful with my New Years weight loss resolution.
I am happy to have loved and lost.
I am happy to be artistic.
I am happy my family is mine.
I am happy when I choose happiness.

What makes you happy?

Fireworks

You know how some people talk about love, and finding the person you're supposed to be with, and how it should feel like such a punch-in-the-gut magical unmistakable thing? They say "You'll see fireworks!" But really? What does that mean? Think about it. Fireworks are great. They're colorful and vibrant and sparkling explosions of entertainment and often nostalgia. That little pop and fizz when they shoot out of the ground, and then the big BOOM! that shakes you to your core and makes you have to catch your breath. That's my favorite part. But then, after the big bang, all the bright little glowing sparks fall to the ground and fade and die out and all that's left of the magic is the shadow of an outline in the sky. The smoke may be lit up again for a brief moment when another firework goes off, but eventually the wind blows even those remnants away and by morning there's no reminder at all.Why on earth would anyone want to tie these two things together? Love should be much much more than this. Love should be tangible. Physical. You should be able to hold it in your hand. You should be able to see it with your eyes. You should be able to just look at it and know that it is love. It is. Love. If only it were that easy....

I think that my problem is this: I hear that pop and the fizz as the promise of love rises into the sky. I anticipate the wonder I know is coming, that telltale boom I'll feel deep inside my chest. And then I expect it to last forever. I expect it to be magic and to stay magic, and I forget that I can't rely on the fickle fireworks. I forget that just because there's a shower of glowing color and light, it doesn't mean that it's real. It doesn't mean it will last. It doesn't mean it's love. Lately I've begun to question my ability to even interpret my own feelings. I don't trust myself to know myself. I don't trust myself to not get carried away and build up my expectations for something that always just ends up fading and blowing away in the night breeze. I'm like the girl who cried wolf, except I'm the girl who cried love. I've been so sure so many times, and have been so wrong that even I can't take myself seriously any more. I certainly don't expect anyone else to take me seriously. I understand that this may be how it's supposed to work. We're supposed to fall in and out of love. We're supposed to take chances and make mistakes, and eventually, if we're paying attention, we'll take a chance that actually pans out. And everything we experience before it will have served to make us all that much more sure that we've really done it right this time. We will be stronger knowing that we've been wrong in the past, so the future can just be right.

Well right now, I'm just wrong. Wrong wrong wrong wrong. So here's to being wrong. Here's to falling, and crashing hard. Here's to not knowing what I want, and if I'd even recognize it if I found it. Here's to keeping my mouth shut for once. Here's to fireworks....

Iwanttogohome.

I Just Haven't Met You Yet

I Believe...

...That you can't Photoshop personality
That sisters are the best kind of friends
That The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is true
That love makes the world go 'round
That Winter should have snow - lots of it
That housepets may be overrated
In pink
That scary movies are only fun with a buddy
That picnics are just the right thing to do with a Spring afternoon
In kissing - kissing a lot
That dancing should be done by all, often
That singing is therapy
In pedicures
In living within your means
In swimming at night
That Audrey Hepburn was the smartest lady of her century
That children are sometimes smarter than adults
In service
In taking pictures at every moment possible
In miracles
That rain is magic
That happiness equals beauty
In drinking lots of water every day
That school shouldn't start until after Labor Day
That soft drinks are poison (but so tasty)
That you can never have too many pairs of heels
In breathing deeply
In brick houses
That dark and handsome isn't as important as tall
That reading boosts intellect at any age
In going barefoot as often as possible
That Saturday nights are for watching movies with your main squeeze
That Sunday nights are for playing games with the family
In grassy yards
In long long hugs
That weekly tabloid magazines at the grocery checkout are like the adult version of the Sunday comics
In taking walks often
That Lehi, Utah is the happiest place on earth
In open windows and ceiling fans
In going to the temple
In being prepared
That laughter is the best medicine
That occasional indulgence is a necessary part of healthy living
In prayer
That being a mother will be a wonderful adventure
In honesty and loyalty and integrity
In making plans and sticking to them
In falling in love as slowly or as quickly as you like
That crying is healthy
That I can do whatever I set my mind to
In taking your time
In Post-It notes
In sleep
In popsicles
That cleanliness is in fact next to Godliness
That chocolate is a girls best friend
That freshly vacuumed carpet is ohso pleasant
In spooning
In big closets
In choosing to be happy
That Paris is for lovers


:)

Cracks

“Maybe its like you said before, all of us being cracked open. Like each of us starts out as a watertight vessel. And then things happen - these people leave us, or don’t love us, or don’t get us, or we don’t get them, and we lose and fail and hurt one another. And the vessel starts to crack in places. And I mean, yeah once the vessel cracks open, the end becomes inevitable. Once it starts to rain inside the Osprey, it will never be remodeled. But there is all this time between when the cracks start to open up and when we finally fall apart. And its only that time that we see one another, because we see out of ourselves through our cracks and into others through theirs. When did we see each other face to face? Not until you saw into my cracks and I saw into yours. Before that we were just looking at ideas of each other, like looking at your window shade, but never seeing inside. But once the vessel cracks, the light can get in. The light can get out.”

Be COOL

Tonight I find myself wanting to be super artsy and abstract. And surprisingly, super thin. (Don't flip out, I love my body. I do not long to weigh 112lbs. It has nothing to do with the appeal of being skinny. It's all about the art man!) And I keep making parenthetical statements! But you guys. Seriously. I'm like, in this mood where I just want to take a $1,400 camera, and put all my hair in my face, and take a bunch of pictures with a straight face, or put a bag over my head, or bend over all funky and modely-posey and then do cool artsy things to them and wash them out and layer them and just waaah. Be COOL. You know?? Don't you ever want to be cool?? ((WHY?))

Clone Me, Quick

Well. The time has come. I'm here in Queen Creek all settled in to my room upstairs (By specifying that I am upstairs, you should gather that it is about ten degrees hotter than downstairs.) and have just completed my first full day back after the summer. (Eleven and three quarters of an hour, thank you very much, I am super nanny.) It was full of ups (on the chairs and counters) and downs (of the melt variety). The boys got so big over the summer! Especially the baby. I'm going to get really buff carrying that one and a half year old around:) I'm still getting used to being here in Arizona again. I just can't seem to leave this place, as hard as I try. I feel like I'm never quite clean.. Always sweaty and stinky. Even if I'm not. And I can barely sleep at night because it's so hot up here in my room. But I sure am so grateful for Sarah and Jason and all the things they're doing for me to make me feel at home, and to make it worth it for me to be here. They started campaigning for me to stay longer than just til December the second I walked in the door, but I'm still not convinced it's the best thing for me to do. I mean, I love my work. I love these boys. And Sarah and Jason are more than just my employers, they're my friends. They've made it very clear that they'll do whatever it takes to keep me here (Even to the point of encouraging me to bring dates and friends over in the hopes that I'll fall in love with someone here and stay for them..) and part of me wants to just make it easier on them and do it. I know it's hard for kids to get to know a nanny or caretaker and then have to start over with someone else. But the reality of it is, I can't just keep my life in limbo forever. I can't keep going back and forth and never really settle in anywhere. The argument on this one is that Jason only has one year of school left, and then he'll be interning and working full time, so they won't be sending me home for the summer anymore. But still. I prayed about this. I thought about it and prayed about it. And as much as I love this job, as incredible as the pay is and the perks are, it's just not home. I'm not home here. I miss Lehi. And I miss the opportunities I'm sure I have there. I want to go to art school. I want to date, and find someone to share my life with. I want to find a steady job that's just as good as this one that won't stress me out to the point of tears and debt during summer vacation. I want to be near my family. I want to move beyond just working and actually do something with my life.. And I feel like being in Arizona will keep me from doing that because I'm so resistant to putting down roots here any more than I already have. *Sigh*

I feel like this is the exact same post I already wrote the last time I broached this subject. I'm so torn. I know what I need to do, but it's so much easier said than done. I have love and loyalty and respect for the Linmans, but I also need to love myself. If anyone has any advice on how to break up with a whole family who has been doing you huge favors since day one, please, send it my way. Or a cloning device. That would actually be pretty great too.

LOVE, Danielle

Dear new bedroom,
You are happy and pleasant to be in. Thank you for turning out just how I imagined. Good team work.

Dear Little Brother,
We didn't really party down like you said we needed to before I leave in the morning, but I sat next to you at the computer while you Facebooked for a while, and that was like a party too. :) I'm going to miss you. You're the best.

Dear stack of records on my chair,
We need to get you boys a player! Keep reminding me. You've been silent for far too long.

Dear crickets outside,
You sound like summer. But why do you have to be so annoying? Please keep it down a few notches so that I can keep the window open to feel the sweet chilly nighttime breeze one last time before I go away.

Dear car,
You are just what a girl needs, and you have a booty. (Good thinking, designers of the '08 Grand Prix.) I'm sure glad I have you to load up all my things and make the long road trip in. What would I do without you?

Dear toes,
You are sorely in need of a pedicure. This must be remedied soon. Keep reminding me, just not in the middle of the night when I need to sleep and cannot put freshly painted toes in my sheets.

Dear boys in Arizona,
I'm coming to see and watch you this weekend after a long summer, and I am so excited! It will be hard to be away from home, but you light up my life with your unexpected quirks and funny little-boy-logic, and I will be sad to leave you again in December.

Dear waist,
You are looking teeny and ladylike. Keep up the good work! (And please encourage the other body parts to get with the program.)

Dear FRIENDS,
I have now finished watching all of your episodes, and after crying my way through the finale feel like I am a better person for having accomplished this. Ross and Rachel, I told you to stop being stupid. See, look how happy you are now:)

Dear books that Ryan recommended,
Very soon, I will check you out from the library. I love the library. It smells divine.

Dear upper lip,
A few days ago I waxed all the tiny invisible hairs off of you for the first time, and it was a painful, yet gratifying right of passage. You didn't even break out either, so double high five on that one!

Dear Abby Moses the small dog,
You have hurt your leg, and even though you are stinky and sometimes rub your wet bits on my toes, I actually find myself feeling so sad for you. I am sorry for always calling you so many mean names. You are a good little pup, and I think we'll keep you around. Please get better soon so that I can stop carrying your poor sad self up and down the stairs.

Dear Dad,
Next week is your birthday, and even though we haven't spoken since Junior year, I want you to know that I love you and think of you often, and I will be sending you a card.

Dear Arizona Summer,
Would it be too much for me to ask that you keep it under 100 degrees when I get there? Please? Pretty, pretty please with a cherry on top? This is my one magical wish... *sigh*

Dear piano playing fingers,
You are out of shape my friends! One of these days we're going to play all the way through Muzio Clementi's Sonatina in D Major with no mistakes. And we're taking all the repeats too!

LOVE, Danielle

Hiking is Fun, and, A Moose

Tonight at about 9:00 Meagan and Jessica and I headed out to AF canyon to hike the Timpanookie trail, just because we felt like it, and it was too hot to do it during the day. Now, I have NEVER been a hiker. I've never enjoyed it, and actually have had a pretty huge and intense aversion to it in the past. Here is why: Hiking = Sunburn, hot and sweaty and nasty (not the good kind), being surrounded by ugly scratchy poky non-vegetation, getting dusty dirt in my nooks and crannies and bits, being outside in the sun (pure evil), being sore and exhausted (not the good kind), and not actually accomplishing anything at all. BUT. Since moving to Utah, I have discovered that hiking was actually not invented by the devil himself!! It's true folks! You can go hiking, and be, like, in pretty alive nature! You can go hiking where there is shade, and running water, and trees and flowers! You can go hiking for... FUN!

Before I got my heart surgery, hiking seemed like a double feat, because my lungs simply couldn't take the stress. But even after then I never really liked the idea of hiking. So I am very grateful to my dear friend Meagan for opening me up to the world of hiking again and showing me that I can actually really enjoy it. Showing me that I can actually do it. I've always been the kind of girl who finishes what she starts. It makes me itchy if I have to stop a project halfway through, or if I can't see something I'm doing all the way to the end to make sure that it has been done right. If I know that I won't be able to finish something in the way that I would like to, I don't even start it. This trait has sometimes been a fault, especially when it came to school work. Even if I was BS-ing something, it had to be expertly BS-ed, or I wouldn't turn it in. Anyway, tangent. Back to hiking. SO, a few months ago when Meagan forced me to go hiking with her and I agreed, I figured that I would at least get a good work out, and I knew I can always use one of those, and that I would be just fine when it was over and would probably still be alive. She assured me that the trail we were taking was only about two miles up (I had gone longer on my treadmill) and that the majority of it would be nicely shaded and possibly even chilly. Little did I know that when we got to that plateau I'd feel like a million bucks! The hike was so enjoyable, and I decided right then and there that I would like to do that sort of thing more often. It made me love Utah even more for it's beautiful mountains and waterfalls and green stuff! And that is the story of why I wanted to go hiking.

So last night, we ended up going to the same place that Meg first took me to on Mount Timp. We strapped our little lights onto our foreheads and headed up the trail. As we were plugging along along and chatting, Meagan mentioned that her mother had been up this trail not long ago and that they had seen a big moose close to the end of where we planned to hike. We joked around a bit about it and talked about how even though moose (Mooses? Meese? Moosen? Jk:) don't have big sharp claws or teeth like bears, they can be preeetty big, and have their giant antlers and hooves to smush people with. We got ourselves sufficiently psyched out, then basically just laughed it off and continued up the trail. Our plan was to at least get to Scout Falls before turning back, because it was getting pretty late, and we all had things to do in the morning. I felt like I could be okay with not going all the way to the plateau because if we said that the falls was the end of our hike, I could still feel accomplished if I made it there. Well, we were getting pretty close to the falls and kept weaving up the switchbacks over the water running down the mountain, and Jessica kept saying things like, "You know, it would be okay if we went back now. ... I think we should just be done, we keep having to walk through all this slippery water, and it's dark and hard to see. ... I don't know if we should go much further, it's getting to be a pretty tricky trail, and we don't want to get hurt." (I've paraphrased a little, but this was the gist of it.) Of course Jessica wasn't just trying to cop out of the hike early. She had legitimate concern for our wellbeing, and her shoes. But me being the finisher I am, ignored her warnings and continued on the trail. After the fact, it seems pretty obvious that Jessica was absolutely right. She had a feeling that we should turn around, and in stead of listening we ignored it and kept going. Closer, and closer to....

ATTACK!!!! Just kidding, we weren't attacked, but OH MY GOODNESS. Ahead of us on the trail, I heard a branch snap. These thoughts entered my head: Oh my gosh it's a moose! No, there's no way it's a moose, I'm probably just hearing things, or it's a much smaller less dangerous animal that will be much more afraid of us than we are of it. Maybe it's some kind of bird, I hear rustling above my head... These words actually came out of my mouth: "You guys it's a MOOSE!! No, I'm just kidding, ha ha. I just heard something move a little ways in front of us, but it's probably just something small. Let's keep going." And then... BAM. I saw it. a glowing point in the brush in front of us, just a teeny bit off the trail, and about a foot above the level of my head. We had discussed a little earlier that if we did indeed encounter a moose, or any other sort of animal, we would probably see a set of glowing eyes before any other part of it. I was only seeing one glowing supposed eye, but I did stop dead in my tracks to be sure. And then, out came the other glowing eye, I'd say about fifteen or so inches apart from the first. In an instant, all the blood drained from my face and my heart dropped to the bottom of my stomach. I was looking at what was surely a HUGE animal, approximately TEN FEET in front of me! Then came the antlers. Right into our trail. It only took a split second for me to shout to the other girls, "IT'S REALLY A MOOSE! HURRY, RUN!"

We started running back down the rocky trail shouting loudly and clapping our hands and trying not to slip and fall over the wet bits of ground. The last little ways we had hiked was going back and forth over the runoff of the falls so there was a decent amount of slippery wet ground. Surprisingly we made it quite a ways to the last big crossover with no one falling down as we hurried away from the moose, but then as I went to jump from a rock in the stream to the ground beyond, my foot landed right on... Nothing! I thought I was aiming for the driest bit of trail, when in fact there was no trail there at all! My right leg slid down through the brush to the side while my left leg folded under me to catch my fall. I got a nice looking scrape on my left knee and some cool mud splats, but we were still running from that moose! So up I jumped and on we went. The further away from the falls we got the less scary it seemed, but I was still SO relieved when we got back to the car. Safe and sound! (And with some cool battle scars to show for our adventure!)

So this is the lesson: Hiking is fun! And also, if your friend tells you there is a big moose in the woods that you are hiking into at night, and then your sister has a feeling you should turn around, listen to them! Or you might just meet a big moose, and almost fall off a mountain.

The end.

Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica

Well folks, it's true. So far I've lost 35 pounds, just like I said I would. (Well, I didn't say 35 specifically, just that I was going to get in shape.) This is largely to do with the wonderful contraption sitting in my living room that I have lovingly dubbed, the treadmill. Man I love that thing! :) Depending on what I've been doing during the week since I started this whole process I've varied my workouts and their frequency, and lately I've been able to walk every day (with the incline way up so I can practice for hiking with Meg!) with an ab workout added in three times a week as well. You may ask, "How does she do it??" Well I'll tell you. It's these lovely folks right here! I've already seen basically all of the episodes of "The Office" but I own the first four seasons on DVD and I hadn't watched them in a while, so I decided to pop one in while I was walking this week. Uh, whoever decided to make TV shows sans commercials last a pretty twenty minutes was a genius. They're perfect little mile markers! And my workout goes by super quick when I'm laughing to the point of snorting at Jim's hilarious pranks and Michael's nearly painful complete obliviousness. I think that the laughter even acts as a little boost in my workout! Who needs crunches when you can laugh in stead? :)

[Jim enters office dressed as Dwight. He adjusts his pager, sits down at his desk, and squints at his computer screen]
Jim: It's kinda blurry. [he pulls out glasses like Dwights and puts them on] That's better. [looks up at Dwight] Question. What kind of bear is best?
Dwight: That'a ridiculous question.
Jim: False. Black bear.
Dwight: That's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought--
Jim: Fact, bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.
Dwight: Bears do not-- What is going on? What are you doing??
[cuts to Jim talking to cameraman]
Jim: Last week I was in a drugstore, and I saw these glasses. Uh, four dollars. And it only cost me seven dollars to recreate the rest of the ensemble, so that's a grand total of... [beeps on watch/calculator] Eleven dollars.
[cut back to Jim and Dwight at desks]
Dwight: You know what, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so I thank you.
[Jim pulls a bobblehead from his briefcase and puts it on his desk]
Dwight: Identity theft is not a joke, Jim!! Thousands of families suffer every year!
Jim: Michael!
Dwight: Oh, that's funny. MICHAEL!

Gratitude

When I was growing up, living in California and Arizona, I always remember how magical it was to come to Utah in the summer and visit Grandma. Her house will forever make me think of getting bruises on my bum from the swing in the back yard, playing in the pretty red two story playhouse, and especially spiders spiders spiders. Lol. My sisters and I were always oddly fascinated by spiders, and for me, they will always be associated with my summers in Lehi. There seemed to be so many different kinds, and when we weren't grumpy with them for giving us little love bites in the night, we were watching them up really close as they crawled and flew and jumped. The jumping ones were the scariest though, so we never got too close to those. The daddy-long-legs were our favorites. We had those in San Diego too, and somehow their long long legs and slow moving bodies made them seem so much less creepy, and more like pets that we liked to hold and study. Another thing I remember about Grandmas house was her spoons. She collected them from just about every place she ever went, and kept them all in big wooden cases just like the one pictured above. Most of them were very small. Some were plain, and some were very pretty and ornate. There were lots and lots of spoons from Switzerland too. I loved that. :)

Grandma used to have what we called the Granddaughter Week in the summers, when all the girl cousins above the age of twelve would come and stay at her house and spend a week doing exciting Lehi things like attending the Rodeo, and getting to know and love each other. Grandma has never done anything in her life halfheartedly, and these visits were no different. We always had a devotional or lesson each day, and they were about wonderful things that us girls could really relate to and learn from. There was usually some kind of little gift that went along with the devotionals too, to remind us of what we learned and encourage us to incorporate it into our lives. One such lesson was on gratitude. We were given pretty little lined journals in which we were instructed to write every day five things that we were grateful for. When first assigned this challenge, I think us girls felt a little overwhelmed. Thinking of five brand new things to list every day?? How could we do that for very long without repeating answers! But then we were all handed little tubes of chapstick, and Grandma explained: The things that we are truly grateful for are often not the big things like our families and the gospel and our homes, but can be as simple as chapstick, or spoons. Imagine not having a nice stick of lip balm on a hot, dry day, or having to eat your breakfast cereal with a fork! She really is a smart lady, that Marilyn Nielsen. While sadly it's been a while since I've seen that pretty little journal I was given so many years ago, I haven't forgotten how to be grateful for the little things. Mirrors, and clocks, and birds, and wind, and paints, and cameras, and hair pins, and scarves. I've found that it can be so so easy to be happy all the time when we realize that we are literally surrounded by a million things that we'd be pretty grumpy without. How blessed we are to live in a world and a country and a time when we have all these things! Things we may not necessarily need, but we have them anyway, which makes it even more important to remember just how lucky we are.

I am grateful for a happy, smart grandmother, who taught her children to be happy and smart! I am grateful to live near my family and to laugh with them on a daily basis. I am grateful for my faith, and my talents, and my opportunities. And I am grateful, for spoons. :)

(I really really love breakfast cereal!!)

Daughter of God

I am blessed and humbled to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I remember first really gaining a testimony of it's truthfulness shortly before I was baptized at the age of eight. My mother asked me one day if I was excited to be baptized, and I quickly responded, "I'm not getting baptized." A little stunned, and worried, my mother asked, "Why not?" To which I replied, "I don't want to get baptized unless I know the church is true." In the days that followed I thought a lot on this, and during church the following Sunday I felt particularly impressed by the lessons on the Savior. I felt in my heart that the gospel really was true, and so I decided to get baptized after all, much to the relief of my mother. ;) To this day I still have a strong and sure testimony of this church.

It seems that I go through little cycles in my life (I'm sure many will relate). I get to a point where I feel like everything is going really well, I'm happy and fulfilled, and I have to think really hard to come up with anything worth complaining about. It's times like these that The Lord sees fit to shake things up a bit and give me a little trial or two to keep me on my toes. Once I fight my way through, and even throughout my hardest times, I feel that I have blessings heaped upon me, even to the point that I begin to feel like I don't deserve them. But I know that I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father. I know that He loves me, and I know that He hears my prayers and watches over me.

Recently I've gone through this very thing. When I moved back up here to Utah, I was blessed to very quickly find a job nannying for a family I became good friends with. I love their children, and the work they had for me was a perfect fit for my needs. I planned on staying with them for the duration of the fathers schooling and possibly internship, which would keep me steadily employed for about four years give or take. Then, this Spring, they told me that after some hard thinking they decided that as a family their best option was to move down to Arizona to be near family and better schooling. Two weeks later, they were out the door. I've written previously about this and how hard it was for me to decide to follow them, at least during the school year, and to continue working for them in Arizona. As of right now, I'm still committed to returning to AZ for one more college semester in the fall, then I'll come back home and have to find something new. I seriously underestimated the difficulty of following through with this decision, however. I knew I would be home this summer, and I knew that at some point I would run out of funds and need to have some other source of income. What I didn't think about was how hard it would be to find employment at this time when I need it the most. My problem is that no one wants to hire a nanny for two months just to have their children get used to them and then have them leave anyway. Many of the retail, or otherwise, companies hired their seasonal summer employees first thing in May and are all full until school starts again. I feel like I have looked everywhere I know how to look and still have been unable to find a job. But the bills keep coming. The responsibilities don't go away just because I am now unable to keep up with them. And the stress can be overwhelming.

 But at the same time, I am still also overwhelmed with blessings. My great car, that runs well and even has functioning air conditioning (a luxury compared with my last car!) has gone a full year without so much as a hiccup, and I know that I absolutely could not have come close to being able to get it without my wonderful Step-Grandparents. They came to my rescue when my car died in Arizona last summer and helped me get this new one. I now send my car payment every month straight to them, and their love and understanding during my unemployed summer has allowed me a little grace period to climb back up onto my feet again and not be too worse for the wear financially (aka, my credit will not be sabotaged). I also received a generous and selfless gesture from my Grandma Nielsen in helping to pay off a student loan. While I have been able to consistently write the repayment checks each month, the last few have been delayed this summer, but my smiling, understanding grandmother has not bat an eyelash of disappointment. I have been additionally blessed by a mother who has tolerated my coming over to eat most of my meals, and has even made a space for me in her home so that I can move all my things over from my apartment and not take up that space while I am gone in Arizona. This has an additional perk of eliminating the need for me to purchase groceries, as I am now able to be at home and eat with my family.

Yes, I've had a hard summer. I've been dealing with a struggle that many many people all around me are plenty familiar with. But through it all I have undoubtedly felt the love and care of my Father in Heaven. I know that He knows me, and knows my needs and weaknesses. I know that my Savior lives. I know that He died for me, and I know that He also knows me personally. I know that the church that is now restored to earth is the true and complete gospel. I love my family. I love my Savior and Father in Heaven. I know that in a few short weeks I will be well on my way up again. And I am grateful for the ride. :)

It Is Summer!

And Summer means...

Going to the Rodeo!

Roasting marshmallows and making s'mores

Watching movies outside with the projector

Wearing more pink and blue and vermillion

Walking barefoot in the grass

Letting my hair blow in the wind

Rolling up my pants

Working out every day

Sleeping just under the sheets

Reading books in the front yard

Turning on the air conditioning!

Driving real slow past the yellow wheat fields

A new season of the Bachelorette

Dollar flip flops from Old Navy

Hiking Mt. Timp with Meg

New romances

Old romances

Camping!
A new cow from Uncle Melvin
Snow cones
Parades
Cottonwoods raining down fluffy summer snow
Rolling the windows down
Taking lots of pictures
Cold showers
Spending lots of time at Mom's house
More freckles
Getting a little sunburned
Pinning my hair up
Eating lots of popsicles!
Missing good friends who are far away
Badminton in the back yard
Home grown vegetables
Accompanying the choir
Fireworks
Ten o'clock sunsets
Five o'clock sunrises
Picking lots of strawberries
Loving my family
Loving my town
Loving my life

Takin' a Walk Outside

what a day for a daydream

what a day for a daydreamin' boy

and im lost in a daydream

dreamin' 'bout my bundle of joy

and even if time ain't on my side

it's one of those days for takin' a walk outside

im blowin' the day to take a walk in the sun

and drawin' my face on somebodies new mowed lawn

i've been havin a sweet dream

i been dreamin' since i woke up today

it's starin' me and my sweet pea

cuz she's the one that makes me feel this way

and you can be sure that if you're feelin' right

it maybe will last along into the night

tomorrow at breakfast you can pick up your ears

or you may be daydreamin' for a thousand years

what a day for a daydream

custom made for a daydreamin' boy

and i'm lost in a daydream

dreamin' bout my bundle of joy

Getting Fresh

Lately, I am in love with pink.

Audrey Hepburn said:

"I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles."

I have recently begun a project making over what will soon be my new bedroom. In the past I have habitually been drawn toward darker richer color schemes, and have a wealth of red and black room decor to prove it. But since coming home to Utah, I find that I no longer need to fill my life with dense rich colors to offset the the blanched landscape. The Utah valley (while still technically a desert) is a land rich in vibrant color and life, and I have lately been craving brighter more alive surroundings to match the Spring blooms and green grass, and now the endlessly blue summer sky. I have NEVER loved Summer. But here, it's seriously growing on me. Anyway, while I know it may be a challenge converting to a completely different color scheme considering so many of my belongings fit into another bracket entirely, along with my desire for a lighter canvas comes the desire to downsize and do some serious simplifying. The walls in my bedroom have been painted a happy pink/orange "Sunkissed Peach" with a deep blue-purple bird silhouette and curly quote on one wall ("Be like the bird that, pausing on her flight awhile on boughs too slight, feels them give way beneath her, and yet sings, knowing that she hath wings." -Victor Hugo), and as soon as the floors are finished I'll proceed to arrange my hopefully Anthropologie-esque new living space. Aren't fresh starts great? Fresh fresh fresh fresh fresh... :)

Home

Last night I had the great pleasure of gathering together with other members of my community to fill and haul and place sand bags in an effort to keep flooding water from damaging the many homes it threatened. I was hanging out with some people from my singles ward when the elders quorum president, who happens to be a friend, recieved a call informing him that one of the girls in our ward needed quick assistance from as many people as possible to try to protect her home from the steadily rising water, and since we were already gathered together we all loaded into cars and made our way to her neighborhood. The sudden flooding was actually a result of a heavy dose of Spring snowfall that we recieved a few weeks ago. It covered the mountains, and then when the temperatures hit the high eighties and nineties this week it all melted very quickly and ran down into our little valley. On top of that, we also had a quick onset of very heavy rain just hours before we heard about the flooding. I have to say, I have never been witness to an actual flood, or really anything like it, so I was shocked and amazed at the amount of water that was pouring out of the canals and nearby creeks. The street on which our fellow ward member lived was already knee deep in water and sadly there wasn't much else we could do for her than had already been done. But there was still a lot of work to do elsewhere. We began by hauling sand bags from one of the many trucks that were out (You'd be surprised just how many trucks there are in a small town Utah community. Love it.) and lining them accross the street in an attempt to redirect the coursing water to a drain on the corner. When we had done all we could there our gaggle of wet, sandy volunteers loaded back into the car and made our way to a spot near the rodeo grounds to actually fill and tie the sand bags so that there would be enough for the people still placing them. The work was dirty and hard, but we barely noticed with the high spirits of so many happy service-givers. We worked late into the night shoveling and tieing and loading the sand bags that would hopefully prevent the kind of serious flooding that had already afflicted several homes in the area. By the time 1:30am rolled around I was exhausted and very sore, but so grateful to be a part of what we accomplished.

It's things like this that not only remind me how much I love living here, with such a tight knit community of truly great and selfless people, but also how incredibly lucky and blessed I am. My home was untouched by the flood waters. At the end of the night I came into a safe clean house and was able to climb into my own warm bed in my own room and just sleep. How blessed I am to have a home. How blessed I am to have my family so near, who loves and cares for me and whom I love as well. How blessed am I to be a part of a ward family who understands the importance of friendship and service. People who love the Gospel and live its teachings. How blessed am I to live on God's beautiful, miraculous, living earth, with it's many wonders. Truly, I am so blessed to be a daughter of my Heavenly Father, and to have the great opportunity to be here, now, a member of His chuch, trying as much as I can to live the teachings of my Savior. It shouldn't take a flood to remember these things, and really, it didn't. I am humbled every day and filled with gratitude for the wonderful life I lead. And even in the face of tragedy and loss, I am grateful for the opportunities I have to serve my fellow men and rally together with friends and neighbors in defense of our little community. It is so good to be, and feel completely and inescapably, at home.