The Theory of Color

Tonight I've been working on a project for my Color Theory class in which I have to find and classify several images based on their various color concepts, and then present to the class my thoughts on why certain colors were selected and how they influence the overall idea of the piece. I am already in love with this class, but I am especially in love with this assignment. I love that not only am I really starting to recognize these classifications right off the bat, but I am also, out of necessity, discovering some really great work by very talented artists and designers out there on the big bad web. I have an album attached to my Facebook page with many of the pictures I really like and find inspiration in, but I wanted to also share a few of them here just because I'm on a serious visual-design-stimulation kick at the moment and needed a quick little five minute break before I finish this sucker up. Mazel tov!

Ps. Did you know that mazel tov actually means good luck? Doesn't make any sense whatsoever the way I used it. But I don't care. Mazel tov!

Twenty-One Before Twenty-Two

I happened upon a pretty neat idea in blog land some time ago and decided that I'd like to take a shot at it. I was supposed to write up a list of goals to match my age that I wanted to, and thought I realistically could accomplish before my next birthday. Since I found the idea several months before my birthday, however, the project went on the back burner, and it wasn't until recently that I was reminded of it and realized my January birthday had come and gone with no goal setting! I really like the idea of having yearly goals set on your birthday in stead of New Years; it makes you think a little harder about it and choose things that are more personal in stead of the old standbys. I also think that people tend to make such grandiose resolutions thinking that surely a whole year is long enough to accomplish them, only to have the end of the year roll around and to not have actually followed through. This idea calls for several small scale goals to be accomplished one by one throughout the year. They're less intimidating, so we're more likely to actually do them. My birthday happens to only be a week and a half into January, so I guess I am a little closer to the New Year resolution bunch, but I'm still giving myself until January 11th to accomplish my twenty-one goals before I'm twenty-two. :)

1. Get under two-hundred (Thirty five pounds last year was a good start, but I'm finishing this sucker!)
2. Start a choir in my singles branch
3. Finish reading through the Book of Mormon (I always seem to get hung up in Alma. Why is that?)
4. Write Meagan on her mission (She leaves April 6th. I think I miss her already.)
5. Get into those fourteens! (Aren't great looking incentive jeans just so bittersweet?)
6. Set up the rest of my desk (What with all this art happening in my life I needed an upgrade!)
7. Have a Harry Potter marathon (Totally serious about this. Who's in??)
8. Have at least $800 in savings (Half way to my new computer!)
9. Stick to The Rules (Ladies, you will appreciate this one: "All The Rules" by Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider)
10. Do something for the first time
11. Visit Kira and Gabe in Phoenix (These withdrawals started the moment I drove away...)
12. Make some more seasonal aprons (At least a head start on the one-for-every-holiday project!)
13. Learn how to really use Photo Shop. (It's a good thing I'm going to art school, huh?)
14. Spend more quality time with Sara (Sara, the younger. A good sister. :)
15. Stick to the No Complaining policy (Who needs it??)
16. Eat more vegetables (Kira, you are my inspiration)
17. Learn Spanish! (Starting with my class next quarter)
18. Totally Pay off the credit card (Less than two hundred bucks worth of gas shouldn't be too difficult)
19. Walk more outside (Can't wait for it to be warm enough to make good use of that track across the street)
20. Eat breakfast every day
21. Learn to do things alone - Happily (No more staying home because I don't have a buddy!)

What are your goals? I know someone has to have a birthday coming up. And even if you don't, you can get a head start thinking of what you want to put on your list. I didn't realize how much I'd have to think about it but twenty-one ended up being quite the undertaking! I think it will get easier with practice though. And now that I've got it in my brain so I won't start almost two months late next time!

Update

So the other day I happened upon an article that began, "Grammar Nazis are so last century. Welcome, friends, to the brave new world of the Typography Nazi." HA! Hahaha! It then went into detail about the proper use of prime quotes, sixty-six and ninety-nine quotes, a proper ellipses, the fourteen different kinds of hyphens (exaggeration, obviously), brackets, and on and on. I have to tell you... I was seriously geeking out over it!! I've always been a little off the wall when it came to grammar, although admittedly far from perfect myself, but now with this new world of graphic design before me I am learning all about a WORLD of new things to be neurotic about! It's magical!!! Magical enough for me to be using multiple exclamation points at the ends of my sentences! (That's a no no.) ALSO, another thing that I've had issue with for some time even before I discovered the magical land of typography is the flagrant and just disrespectful misuse of the font Comic Sans. I could go on about this one for some time, but I'll save all you non-typographers the headache and just say this: STOP USING COMIC SANS. Just stop. Please. It's just wrong. WRONG. (I'm smiling gleefully right now. This stuff just gets me right in the warm-fuzzy insides.)
The POINT! Is that I am LOVING school. Or more specifically, I am LOVING my major! School is hard. It's kicking my trash on a regular basis. And I'm not going to lie to you, I really really dislike my drawing classes. Ironic, I know, but that's okay because these are core classes that I will be finished with in five short weeks, and then it will be on to more design. Yay! I find myself to be in particularly positive moods lately. I did the whole influenza thing. I can't afford school. I'm not working enough. I have unfinished homework up to my eyeballs. I'm single again. My hair needs some fresh color. But in light of everything, I'm still happy. Whenever another thing comes up that would or maybe should get me down, I just say to myself, you know what? It's okay. It's really okay! I'm okay, and it's going to be okay, and everything is all just okay. And I smile. And I move on. It's remarkably freeing to just choose to be happy, come what may. Yesterday I signed up for my classes for next quarter. I talked with a financial person first and we decided that unfortunately, in order for me to not be scratching my eyeballs out trying to pay tuition every month, I needed to lower my credit load from thirteen plus/minus per quarter to seven plus/minus per quarter. This is a little disheartening, as I'm the kind of person whom, when she decides to do something, just buckles down and does it, hard, fast, until it's done. I'm not a moseyer. I don't like to work little by little and let myself get distracted. It's one thing, BAM, until it's done. And then the next thing. Etcetera, etcetera. So of course I struggle with the idea that it will essentially take me twice as long to finish my degree, and that I'll really only be in class for eight hours total each week. BUT on the plus side, That means that I won't be drowning in homework, I'll have more hours available to me to work and therefore will be making more money, and my monthly tuition payments will stop making me cry. :) So no, this isn't my first choice of game plans when it comes to finishing this thing, but I know that I will finish, and that no matter what I can choose to be grateful for the opportunity and just enjoy the ride!
And now. I will stop procrastinating, and get some of that homework done! Have a great day everyone!
(Ps. Um, hello again Winter! Power went out for several hours last night, and there is pretty white snow all over the place. I love you, Lehi.)

The Influenza

This week I have been sicker than I have ever been in my life. (Pretty sure. I know I've never had the flu, and I can't remember ever being this sick.) This is not an exaggeration. However, I have also been in a remarkable mood! I am coughing and coughing and coughing. I am woozy and unstable with fever. I am radiating with aches from my very core. I am wearing the same clothes I have been wearing since Wednesday night when I came home from school, put on the comfy pants, and collapsed into my bed. My eyeballs hurt. On Thursday night I had so much gunk stuck in my poor raw throat that I couldn't breathe, and bawled and hacked my way through it until I was a sad sad mess on the kitchen floor and my mother threatened to haul me to urgent care right then. I refused. I did request a priesthood blessing though, and the bishop and my step-dad happily and quickly obliged. I felt instantly calmed, and have such huge amount of gratitude for the men in my life who live worthy to assist in these little miracles. Friday morning we went to the doctor. I listed off my symptoms and our very cheerful and helpful doctor came back from testing my nose swab (Please note: the "swab" they take to test for the flu is actually a rigid bamboo stick with a very small amount of cotton on the end of it that they shove up your nose as far as it possibly can go before giving you brain damage. This is not pleasant, but it is quick.) with this sentiment: "Well, you have influenza. I apologize if this is morbid of me to say but I'm so excited I got a real bona fide Influenza A reading with all the symptoms!" She informed me that I had luckily come in within the first 48 hour window and would therefore be able to benefit from the five day flu prescription drug and that I should stay home and away from other people until I finished that prescription. And if I even looked at anyone else they would burst into flames and die. Okay she didn't say that last part, but I basically understood that if I breathed the wrong way anyone around me would end up in my state and that's the last thing I wanted to have happen.

Needless to say, all my weekend plans were cancelled. Grudgingly. (Even the night before I was hoping that my sobbing mess was the worst of it and I'd be allll better by the next afternoon just in time to go with Kase to spend the weekend with his family, hanging out and cooking and watching the Super Bowl (commercials:). In stead, I sent him off alone and resigned myself to look on the bright side anyway. And do you know what? It's working. I have been making Influenza jokes all weekend! (I noticed that the doctor who diagnosed me never called it the flu, always influenza. I feel like that is a much more dignified name. And it sounds exotic. Which is cool. I am disappointed that I had to miss out on my weekend in Roy that I was so looking forward to, and even a stranger on the street could probably look at me and see just how much I like plans that fall through at the last minute. Who knows, maybe it's the fever, but I have been surprisingly okay with this. I know full well it's a sign from my body to take a minute and slow down. Take a deep breath. Rearrange my priorities. Toss a few things out the window. And be grateful for what I have! Because I am SO blessed.

This afternoon I am feeling much better. I am sitting here at my makeshift folding work table, since my pretty little desk is just big enough to be a shelf for all my art supplies and such. Dreading another hundred point drawing assignment, and plotting to call out of class tomorrow anyway.. Watching "Julie & Julia" on repeat as I contemplate making the bed, making some more art (My way. Suck it Drawing&Perspective.) or making some lunch. Missing Kira like crazy. Wanting to cook! Wanting to be creative. Wanting to paint something. That's what I really want to do. Not feeling at all like I'm going to just drown in my to-do list and probably die a slow, slow death by charcoal pencils. Honestly, this has felt like more of a vacation than five days of the flu. I haven't done anything! I've slept in late, watched a few tv shows, napped for hours, eaten a ridiculous amount of cough drops, probably not the best for my tummy, but oh so nice for my throat. I'm sick, yeah. And I probably won't be feeling 100% for another couple of days, but I'm actually still feeling very happy. Feeling very blessed. And feeling like next year there will be a flu shot in my life. :)

I hope everyone enjoys the football game today!! I'll be watching happily from my living room and probably laughing my husky influenza laugh at the commercials. Man, I love Super Bowl commercials.
(Influenza... Haha:)

All The Smokers In Utah

Are in my art class..
It's official. I have the black lung. (And sinuses for that matter. Ouch.)

The Best Way to Predict The Future is to Create It

Procrastination, thy name is Piccsy.

Fourteen out of twenty-seven hours of homework completed.

Animal Person

I am not.
But I have a strange obsession with pictures of these:

LOVE, Danielle

Dear snow,
I understand peoples qualms with you and how they tire of the cold and the dreariness. But I still love you, dangit!

Dear new boyfriend,
You are a recent addition to my life. But you make me quite happy and have a lot of good answers to my questions. We make a good team.

Dear art school,
We were made for each other.

Dear Jessica's clothes,
You are so nice to borrow when I'm sick of wearing mine. Thank you for fitting me sometimes:)

Dear apartments by the river,
You are colder than everywhere else in this place! Please stop freezing my car door locks so that I cannot leave in the night.

Dear Elizabethtown soundtrack,
What a sweet birthday surprise you were! I don't think there will ever be a road trip without you from here on out.

Dear little sister and man,
You guys are a revelation. I've never met anyone better at being in love than you. What a delight to witness.

Dear Anthropologie,
Let's have an affair. A love affair. I love you. I am in love with you. Love. Is had. From me. Oh gosh, the love and the joy. In my heart. Pitter patter..

Dear bedroom,
Whatever happened to our agreement for you to stay clean and organized? I am going to be quite busy from here on out, so perhaps you should do some self-preservation and get your act together.

Dear strange, strange dream I had about the little brother and illegal drugs and laughing,
WHAT in the WORLD...

Dear giant nineteen layered rainbow cake,
You. Are awesome. *high five*

Dear Sister Berry,
You are truly an inspiration. I love you dearly and cannot adequately express how much I respect and admire you. What an example you are, and such a great friend.

Dear singles branch,
I pretty much feel like it was the best decision ever to switch my records over this time around. I have had THE BEST Sundays these past few weeks in many, many, many Sundays. Feeling very blessed to be a part of you. Feel home.

Dear Streupers,
You guys are hysterical. LOVE hanging out with you. Perk.

Dear Christmas socks,
You are my favorite socks of all the socks. Keep up the good work.

LOVE, Danielle

Independent

I am AFRAID that since I am already such a fiercely independent person and so used to only having to take care of myself that if I grow up too much more on my own it will be increasingly difficult to adjust to being married and always having another person to think about with every activity and decision. Someone else to report to and be accountable to than just myself. I know people who are like that. They are so comfortable with only taking care of themselves that they just don't really do relationships. Conversely, I also know people who made themselves ready and committed themselves early on in relationships and who simply grew together knowing that they just always factored that other person in. I am not ready to get married. I am not getting married. But sometimes I think about these things... Unrealistic, perhaps. Ridiculous, perhaps. But hey, that's me.

Secret

I don't talk about boys on this blog. There's a very good reason for that. I am twenty-one years old. I'm dating. I'm meeting new people. I'm changing my mind. I'm falling in and out of love. And that is allowed. I live a very unapologetic life. It's wonderful and freeing. However, I also know that because I feel so deeply, I tend to get carried away. I don't want this blog to be a place where intimate, but ultimately short-lived feelings and thoughts come to die. There are things I believe in and other feeling that I want to be able to remember for years and years to come, and then there are feelings and things that I will gladly forget about if/when I break up, move on, and start feeling and thinking about someone else. That said, I have mentioned a particular someone in recent posts. I will do this again. And I feel the need to clarify (I am a qualifier. The queen of disclaimers. I accept this.) that this does not necessarily mean I won't ultimately have a change of heart. I am not secure in the knowledge that this person will remain in my life. But he is here now. And I accept full responsibility for the effects of my public and recorded (however vague and brief) accounts of him.
:)

Collard Greens

Today my heart aches for my sister. Kira lives in Phoenix, and while I was there in Arizona working last semester I made the fifty plus mile drive up to their house on many occasions. I feel like that semester we grew closer as people than we have our whole lives. It's almost unreal how deeply I love and respect and admire her. Kira is the oldest sister. She has always been the "example" at least to me, and I oftentimes felt like that meant she was showing me what not to do with my life, simply because she did it differently. There were times when I honestly did not understand her. There were times we didn't really ever talk. But now? Oh, we talk. And it physically pains me (okay, maybe that's just the lady cramps today) to not be able to now just drive up to Phoenix to spend the day talking [I almost wrote chatting, but we don't really chat, we have actual meaningful deep conversations. It's beautiful.] and creating and cooking! Oh to cook with Kira! Anyone who knows Kira, really knows her, can see how much she enjoys cooking. She combines the oddest things into the most delicious meals you've ever eaten. I never knew how much I could enjoy cooking until I did it with Kira. It's like a narcotic. That sounds extreme, but seriously. Even if I am having the worst of worst days all I have to do is whip up some off-the-wall crazy delicious vegetable riddled meal that she comes up with on the spot and it's like my load is instantly lifted. That's something I really admire about Kira too. The woman knows how to use vegetables. I swear, it's like some freaky gift she traded her soul to the devil for. Who even knows how to cook vegetables in a million different ways and use them in every meal in such a way that they often rival the meat or pasta or whatever else would normally be categorized as the main dish? Kira inspires me. She makes me want to be the kind of person, and eventually the kind of wife, who will do this. Will actually cook for her family, good filling healthy meals. And not only that but she has such a fervor for life! There is nothing she decides to do that isn't accomplished in the most efficient and organized way. And with excitement too! I have no doubt that she could take over the whole world if she really wanted to. I'm just in awe of her abilities. I could go on and on. But today I'm just missing missing missing her dreadfully!! We probably email each other a hundred times a week, different pictures and ideas that we've found and little interesting things that happen to us. Many, but small emails. But it's hard to email a real in depth conversation like the ones you can have face to face. I met someone when I came home. We've been dating for several weeks now. And it's new. And it's exciting. And I'm very happy so far. But for some weird reason it almost doesn't feel real because I haven't been able to tell every single little inclination and feeling to Kira and have her validate me and tell me what she thinks about all of it. I almost don't want to fully open myself up to this person because Kira hasn't met him yet. That's not really the whole truth of it but it's like I need her approval before I can say, yes, this is my boyfriend. Dumb! How dumb is that? I do really like him. And no one else's opinion is going to change that. I don't ask for permission. I am an independent person and I act for myself, fully. But there's just something that completes any given situation for me when I have Kira's input. She's like... My philosopher. My mentor. My advisor. I fantasize us living near enough to each other when we start our families to be able to get together a couple of times a week and cook for everyone. Throw little themed parties and just to have our children grow up together. I'm almost afraid to do it without her. It looks like I won't really have this opportunity, at least not for an extended period of time, and that makes me really sad. But I guess what I can remember about all this is just how incredibly lucky and blessed I am to have a sister who inspires and teaches me so much about myself and about the world around me. Kira, I love you. I love you so, so much. Today, I miss you. And I always miss you. But I love you. Thank you for being my sister. <3

Twenty-One

Delish toasty herby salmon
Roasted brussels sprouts (All you non-believers are missing out on brussels sprouts I tell you)
Sweet potato fries
Dutch apple pie (Okay, apple crisp)

Delighted to be cooking this yummy birthday dinner!! Today I am a happy girl:)

Deep Breath

School starts tomorrow. I went to orientation on Thursday and had a nice little run down and tour of everything and got to meet some of my teachers. I have to say, I am getting exponentially more excited about this as the days pass. It is clearer and clearer that this is the very thing I need to be doing right now in my life, and that makes me feel so great. I know that this is what I want to do. I know I'm going to love it. And I know what I want to do with it for the rest of my life too. (Obviously in flexible general terms, but still.) I'm just really feeling it. This is right. Isn't it so awesome to feel that way about something? I never felt this way about hair school. I was excited about hair school, but in a way I was still going in blind. I thought I wanted to do it so I psyched myself up to taking that chance because I knew if I didn't start taking chances to find the things I loved I would never get there. But this time I don't feel like it's a risk at all. It's a lot of money. Holy crap is it a lot of money. And if there's one thing in this world that I struggle with wrapping my head around, it's money. Just ask my mother. I'm damaged when it comes to my ability to think positively about money. But for this, especially in this case where I will be spending loads and loads of it and pinching pennies all throughout just to get by, I'm surprisingly at peace. I'm confident that it will be totally worth the investment. I don't know if that's ever happened for me before. Just so happy with this decision. :) On the flip side, I totally know that it's not going to be easy. I'm going to be working my butt off basically non stop. But honestly, I'd rather be busy out of my mind than sitting around feeling like I'm not making anything of myself. I've always needed to do something notable. If not for anyone else, just for my own peace of mind. So bring it on art school. Ready or not, here I come.
In other news, I started dating this guy... And he's pretty great. And it's kind of nice... :) Feeling good Danielle! Keep breathing!

Advice

It's ALWAYS a choice.

Well, Nuts

I have been feeling, lately, like what I can only describe as a wash of beige. I feel colorless. Bland. Unremarkable. My skin is breaking out again. It's one of the bad spells. Ever since a few brief stints on a particular pill at the beginning of the year I have been breaking out regularly, though it varies in severity, even though I never broke out like this in junior high or high school. Meagan says it's karma coming back to give me what I deserve for having such great skin when all the rest of the adolescents were makeuping their pizza-faces. I don't know about that. Acne is so fickle and its causes so varied that it's hard to say why certain people have more or less issues with it. I have been using the Clinique Anti-Acne system for a while now and have really liked it, but I'm thinking that perhaps it's just not strong enough for my new super-acne, or my skin just got used to the medication and it's not as effective as it was when I started using it. Kira swears by Proactive. I remember using it for a while during high school and definitely didn't have any complaints, though I don't know that I would have been able to say for sure that it was that great either because I never had very severe acne to begin with. I've pretty much decided to give that one another shot once my current set runs out. Hopefully it will help me even out again.
Also feeling really not so happy with my body. I lost a full 35 pounds at the beginning of the year, and was feeling great. I have continued to scrupulously record my food intake and maintain my calorie budget, but I wasn't able to bring my treadmill with me to Arizona in August and have therefore not been walking like I did at home. I know that I could go outside, I know that I could do other things, other aerobic workouts in my room, blah blah blah, but the sad truth is that I love walking on that stupid old treadmill too much to have the determination to do much of anything else. I love walking. It makes me feel so great, and while I was doing it I was constantly and steadily losing weight. I want to be a person who goes for a walk every day, and eventually work my way up (stubborn lungs..) to running. It's more of a lifestyle than a workout routine and even in my short stint I have already felt the immense benefits and consider myself thoroughly converted. I think I let myself fall into a funk whenever I'm in Arizona. I detest the weather 90% of the year and find myself confined to the house which does not harbor very strong get-up-and-be-active feelings. I've actually gained back 7 of the pounds I lost at home. It's not the end of my story. Far from it. I'm letting myself just bum out the last few weeks that I'm here and then as soon as I get home I'm starting fresh again. I'm going to lose that last 30 pounds if it kills me. (Note: I know it's not about the number. It's about getting fit and healthy and feeling good about myself. Thing is, I know myself, and it's going to take that 30 pounds.)
Last but not least on my complaining spree, I am feeling completely unimpressed with everything in my closet. I have purchased a few new items of clothing over the past year or two, and I like my clothes, but everything is getting so old. Even my old favorite staples are fading and wearing and getting holes, and where I could have worn them as a nice outfit for a night out, now they seem too dingy to be on the "date night acceptable" list. I have a few pairs of jeans that I wear every day which shrink up shorter after so many washer/dryer cycles (another woe of the ridiculously tall, yay), and it seems that things aren't even fitting me the right way any more, whether because they've lost elasticity over time, or have shrunk in the dryer. I absolutely know that I have so much more than others. I am truly grateful for what I do have. But a girl does like to feel extra pretty sometimes and I find that it's harder to accomplish that as of late. It's entirely possible that I am feeling like this more so now than other times simply because I haven't washed my hair in a few days. It always boosts my self esteem when I'm clean. (What a concept, right?) And I will take a shower and wash my clothes and put on a fresh face and all that. And I'll be just fine. I mean, there's nothing wrong with me. I'm just looking forward to a few months from now when I'm back in a better groove of taking care of myself. Happy Holidays, you're a bum! Lol. End rant. Now only joyful things!

So I Have These Hips

Most of the time they're good to me. They're curvy, and wide, in a good way, and I like them. But apparently my hips are also very temperamental. If I sit with one leg sort of crooked to one side, or lean on one foot for too long, they protest. Loudly. If I sleep on my side, my waist sloops all the way down and those hips rotate themselves into oblivion. If I sleep like that for too long, they stay rotated. I worked at a Chiropractic office for a while and once I had the doctor adjust me, as my hips had been giving me grief again. He informed me that my legs differed precisely two and a half inches in length because my hips were so wonky. He cranked me back and told me to sleep a certain way, sit a certain way, yada yada. And then I was back getting cranked again two weeks later. Tonight my hips are extra cantankerous. And I would like to sleep.
Dear hips, please be nice to me. Love, Danielle.

Robert Vavra

Has an enchanting talent.

Art School

For as long as I can remember I have desperately wanted only one thing: to be a mother. It seems that this is indeed a very likely thing for me to achieve in this life, although I am certainly not quite there yet. I thrill at the idea of becoming pregnant, at growing my own tiny little person inside of me. The long months we will have together, just the two of us before a little babe is brought into the world for me to hold and squeeze and cherish. That I will get to pick out an earthly name for this new person, and that he or she will be a little version of me (And the Mr. of course) and will grow and change every single day, always getting bigger and smarter. I anticipate days with little people running around my house, playing, laughing, learning. I look forward to giving advice, even discipline when needed, so that these children will know about the world, will know how to behave, will know the things that are the most important, and the things that are not. I do know that having children is bittersweet. That by creating these beings you are in essence allowing a portion of your heart to walk around outside of you. That they will get hurt, and that they can hurt you. But all these things combined, the happy and the sad, amount to an experience that I would not trade for my very life. I have been promised joy in my children, and I am so excited for that time in my life when I will bring children into this world and with the companionship of a loving husband raise them into grown people.

BUT.

I realized at some point in the past twenty-one years that even though motherhood will certainly be the position I hold for myself in the highest regard, it does not in fact equate to a career in the terms of the world. One does not receive a salary for raising children. And while I would love to have the luxury of focusing my time and energy on this one thing, I know that I can't sit idly by and just assume that the person I marry will automatically have the education and the career and the means to support me and our little brood without any financial contribution from me. That just wouldn't be fair at all. After coming to this decision I was faced with yet another dilemma. What is it that I can do to contribute that will allow me not only to still be available for my children when they come into the picture, but also that will fulfill me as a person and individual, not just solely as a mother. I've been thinking about this and contemplating my options for quite some time now. During high school I came to the solid conclusion that I was not about to waste my time and money on college right out of the gate when I wasn't even sure what I wanted my focus to be. And so I didn't. I graduated, and I worked. I made the money necessary to pay my bills by watching and teaching other people's children. This work is extremely fulfilling to me, but still I was unsettled at the thought of being a perpetual nanny. I love it now. There's nothing else I'd rather do as a job, that's for sure. But it's not a career. I know that some people make it work while raising their own children too, but for me it just doesn't sit quite right. There had to be something else. I tried out hair school. I like to make things pretty, like to make people feel good about themselves, this could work.. Nope. I hated it. I dropped out four months in. It just wasn't the right fit. I could let my ego be hurt, or feel ashamed at quitting something that maybe doesn't seem so hard, but really it was just something I tried and realized it wasn't for me. No harm, no foul. If I hadn't have tried it, I wouldn't have known that, and I'm grateful for that knowledge even if I don't appreciate the loan I'm still paying back..

Then a year or so ago I had the opportunity to work with a wonderful woman I met through church who has a business she runs out of her home making wedding invitations and matching favors and other stationary. For the most part my job consisted of applying adhesive to the backs of hundreds of identical pieces of cardstock and sticking them to hundreds more pieces of cardstock, assembling these great little invitations, some more involved than others. I tied ribbons, stuck labels on water bottles and boxes of candy, stuffed envelopes, and various other detail oriented tasks. After a few months of doing this I realized how much I really liked it, and even more so the level of my fascination with the invitations themselves. There was nothing more exciting than seeing an eight part, five dollar wedding invitation all completed, feeling the smooth crisp papers with bumpy embossed glossy ink, the matching name cards for tables, favors tied with corresponding ribbons. It was then that I decided I would very very much like to do something similar with my life. I thought about what that would mean for me on a day to day basis, thought about what I would need to do to get there, and what I really wanted there to actually be. What if I didn't just design and create wedding invitations, what if I designed and created all sorts of things! (I'm really getting excited now.) I could have the potential to work from home, make my own hours, own my own business, create beauty, make other people happy, and be totally happy with myself too. Jackpot. This feels right.

And that's where school comes in. I'm not the kind of person to just jump into any given task blind. Oh no, never. I'm one who truly appreciates rules and instructions. I will follow a specific list down to the very last detail and wouldn't dream of trying to do something I didn't actually know how to do. If there isn't an instruction manual or "proper way" of doing something, I think about it and plan it out and prepare to do it until I'm sure I can accomplish the task in a satisfactory way. So when it comes to the thing that I am going to be doing for the majority of my adult life to contribute to and support my family, this surely isn't a step I'm going to skip. Do it the right way, or don't do it at all. Anyone who knows me can attest to the fact that I very much so operate by this mantra. I'll admit, I didn't do a whole ton of looking around at different schools and programs.. Shame on me, I know. I've had my eye on The Art Institute of Salt Lake City since I decided I was going to go to art school, and I think that even if I had found a program somewhere else I just wouldn't have felt like it was the best. I have a problem with this, always wanting the "best" things. But what can I say, I'm not ashamed of it. So what if I picked the most expensive art school I could find. Details? I spoke with an admissions advisor for about two and a half hours last week, sent in my high school transcripts, admissions essay, and some other paperwork and have now been officially accepted into the Graphic Design program. I am THRILLED.

School starts on January 10th. It's a 21 month program if I go full time (which I intend to do, yes.) and from the looks of it I will be working my butt off with 20 hours of school per week, just about that much on homework, as well as working a part time job to continue paying current bills and also whatever is leftover from pesky loans that I will be taking out by the bushelfull.. I am trying to stay positive and remind myself that I am in this 100% for the education and experience, and that if I truly felt like it wasn't worth the price I shouldn't and wouldn't be doing it. But I am. The program includes some really exciting classes like Color Theory, Typography (I get to design my own font! Cool!), Illustration, Marketing Design, Print Production, and even a Photography class that I'm pretty excited about since I've been hankering to take one of those since junior high. I am feeling a significant amount of anxiety about starting this whole thing, because it is going to be a big change for me. I'll be much busier than I have been probably since high school, and that was two and a half years ago. I'm going to have to relearn how to time budget so that I don't get stressed out of my mind and so that I can remember why I'm doing this in the first place. Aside from the anxiety though, I am pure excitement! One and three-quarters of a year really isn't that long at all, and when I'm finished I'll come out with a legitimate degree in Graphic Design and the tools I need to do something I'm really kicking to do.

Art School (life), here I come!

(Is it totally unattractive if I feel forty-seven times more awesome for being someone who is going/goes/went to art school? I'm just tooting my own horn this once, and then I promise to be totally humble from here on out. Yay art school!)

Thank You

Mom, not only for being a great mom but also for being my best friend. I love you.

Neil, for loving me, for being my friend, and teaching me things about myself I didn't know yet.

Lori, for being so willing to share your delicious Sunday meals with me and allowing me to be a little part of your family.

Jessica, for inspiring me. For being fearless.

Sara & Jason, for pulling so many strings to get me here and really making me a part of your family. Wish I could stay!

Grandma Nielsen, for being absolutely amazing with everything and particularly for renting out your basement to me and helping me so much with school.

Tia, for encouraging me to take risks and create my own version of happiness.

Ramey, for being a wonderful friend and listening ear, and allowing me to work with you on wedding projects that have inspired me to do it on my own someday!

Allie, for being my why-are-we-still-single complaining buddy, and bringing so much laughter to my life.

Collette, for your friendship and good thoughts, and my favorite yellow bag!

Brandon, for making me laugh no matter how crappy of a mood I'm in.

Kira, for being such a great friend and sister to me, and letting me come over to hang out basically whenever I want to.

Gabe, for encouraging me to be artistic and for always having something new and interesting for me to learn about! Best brother-in-law award:)

Meagan (Woman), for sharing so many tender nights falling asleep to movies on each others' bums on the couch bed in our disgusting apartment, and for being my friend and confidante. It feels like a lifetime.

And to all those people who have impacted my life with their friendship and love.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

<3

I JUST

APPLIED TO ART SCHOOL.

And so it begins..
(Details to follow.)